iGet Sick
by time-agent-susan
Summary: Carly gets cancer and everyone tries their best to deal with it. Set after iToe Fatcakes. Pairings: Cibby and Seddie.
1. Sam

Yeah, so I don't own iCarly or the characters etc. This is what happened when I decided to rewatch every episode of the show, so enjoy!

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**Part 1: SAM**

Sam had always been there for Carly. When Carly was happy, she was happy. When Carly was sad, she was sad. And when anyone did something to hurt Carly, Sam got revenge. This time however, a sock filled with butter just wouldn't cut it, because what was hurting Carly was inside her body, not out.

It had all started 3 months ago, back when Sam was dating Freddie. One night she and her now ex-boyfriend had burst into Carly's room in order to have her settle one of their numerous arguments. That particular night it had been about whose mother was most insane. Sam was still certain Pam Puckett held the title; at least Mrs Benson only did the things she did because she loved Freddie. They'd found Carly tucked into bed which was hardly surprising, Carly rarely ever stayed up after twelve. In the midst of their argument, Sam almost didn't notice the breathing mask on Carly's face. When she and Freddie asked Carly, the sleepy brunette had claimed it was to prevent her from snoring, but Sam didn't buy it. So, the next time she got the opportunity, Sam decided to find out the exact purpose of the mask and…immediately regretted it. What she discovered made her feel uneasy, and as she read more, Sam began to feel the knot in her stomach tightening. Sam spent every free moment researching because she had to be sure. But the more she looked and the more she knew, the more worried she felt for Carly.

Sam's obsession with Carly's health began to affect everything in her life; her friendships, her school work (not that she did much of it), iCarly and even her relationship with Freddie. That was the worst part, because she really did love Freddie. Sam had loved Freddie from the first moment they'd met, but she could never have him, not really. Because Freddie belonged to Carly, because Freddie loved Carly and although she'd never admit it, Carly loved Freddie. So Sam had buried her love deep down inside and she'd taught herself to hate him and eventually she didn't need to pretend because Sam truly did hate him. Too much happened between them; too many arguments, too many insults and too many jokes taken too far. Sam had even forgotten what it felt like to love Freddie. That was when Freddie had gone and hit his head on that dumb fire hydrant and when Sam had rediscovered the feelings she thought she'd never feel for Freddie again. She had tried to hide it, tried to deny it, but then she'd stupidly decided to work on the semester project with Freddie and Brad and everything had come unravelled. Sam offered to be guinea pig when Freddie ran a test on their mood indicator and, what she thought was the worst possible thing had happened, the software worked and, even worse, it said her mood was "in love".

After a long night and a few days spent in a mental institution, Sam and Freddie had started dating. It was blissful at first, but then there were arguments and then there was no time. It was a speech made by Carly that they overheard that caused the couple to realise they just weren't meant to be. They loved each other, but sometimes love wasn't enough. Sam knew she would never be over Freddie, just like Freddie would never be over Carly. Sometimes she hated her best friend; Carly had everything she wanted. Carly always got the guy, ok maybe not; she did get Jonah but he was a scumbag and Freddie, well Freddie had never been Sam's in the first place. Still, sometimes Sam wished things could be different, sometimes she prayed to have Carly's life. She just didn't want it to happen like this. Because 3 months ago Sam had discovered Carly had lung cancer and since then things had gotten worse, much worse.

Sam never confronted Carly about her illness; she'd noticed the changes in her best friend though; her skin was paler, her clothes a little too baggy and there was a new hollowness to her cheek bones. But Sam knew Carly would tell her when she was ready. Unfortunately Carly never got that chance. It was third period when Carly collapsed. Carly and Gibby were presenting their semester project to the group one minute and the next Carly was on the floor coughing up blood. Sam, who had been watching her best friend like a hawk the entire lesson, was the first to react. She'd already dialled 911 when she found herself kneeling beside Carly's shuddering form. Sam knew Carly had always had problems with her lungs; she'd had asthma when she was a kid, was basically doped up on vitamins, had had a load of chest infections over the years and a bout of pneumonia but Sam had never imagined Carly would get cancer. Lung cancer was something old people got; old people and smokers. Carly certainly didn't fit those categories. The doctor said that very little was known about the type of cancer Carly had developed. It was called BAC (Bronchioloalveolar Carcinoma), a cancer most commonly found in women particularly those who didn't smoke, but it was treatable. That gave Sam some hope at least.

Sam visited Carly in hospital twice a day, then once and then only on weekends. It wasn't that she didn't love Carly, it was that she did. Seeing Carly looking so worn and damaged, it hurt. Sam just couldn't handle it, couldn't face how ill Carly was. She couldn't face the fact that Carly might actually…she couldn't bring herself to even think the word…_die_. It was a Saturday, which meant Sam was once again visiting her friend in hospital. When she reached Carly's private room Sam froze. The door was partially open and Sam could see Carly through the gap. For the first time in what felt like years but had really only been a few weeks, Carly was smiling. Not the facade she put on when she was trying to be brave, but a real smile. What was even stranger was the source of the smile, Gibby.

It had been like that for a few weeks; Carly would only ever smile when he was around. Gibby was the only one in the group who wasn't afraid of upsetting Carly, he was the only one who didn't act as though she was fragile. Sam had tried at first, but every time she tried to joke around she always ended up saying something insensitive. Freddie wasn't much help either, he spent half his time moping around and the other half being Carly's personal nurse, anything she wanted he'd get it. And Spencer…Spencer had changed, gone was the immature man child to be replaced with an overprotective brother that rivalled even Freddie's mum. It was the reason Carly was so distant, she needed her friends right now and all she had were ignorant morons. No wonder Carly lit up when Gibby was around, he was the only one acting normal or normal for a Gibby anyway. That was when Sam realised that Carly would never love Freddie, because Carly loved Gibby.

Really, Sam should have seen it coming. When she and Freddie had started dating Carly and Gibby spent an awful lot of time together and even when they broke up that didn't stop. In fact it had started before that, the whole reason Sam needed to work on the project with Freddie and Brad was because Carly and Gibby were already working together. Sam wondered just how long Carly had been harbouring a crush on the chubby nerd. In that moment however, Sam had to swallow the urge to vomit, because as much as she enjoyed hanging out with Gibby; he was well…Gibby and the idea of anyone kissing Gibby was…let's just say unappealing. But still, she was happy for Carly; Sam would support Carly if she wanted to marry a boat. That was the whole reason for tonight, to show her support for Carly. And so, for the first time since Carly had been admitted to hospital, they were about to host a webisode of iCarly.

Sam felt more nervous about this iCarly than any other iCarly she'd ever done. Apart from Carly, Freddie and begrudgingly her sister Melanie, iCarly was the most important thing in Sam's life and this iCarly was about a lot more than pointless comedy. A lot was riding on the show tonight, because Sam wanted Carly to see just how much people cared about her, how much they wish her well. And then there was her deal with Spencer, it had taken a lot of effort on her part to convince him to let Carly do the show. So if anything, anything at all went wrong Sam would be in a lot of trouble and she would never be allowed to visit Carly in hospital again.

It was Freddie's arrival that finally snapped Sam out of her trance. They'd barely spoken since Carly was admitted to hospital and when they did the conversation felt unnatural and forced. Today was no different.

"Sam." He greeted unenthusiastically.

"Fredweird." She responded, her resentment clear in her tone.

Freddie followed Sam's gaze to Carly's room. His expression changed when he saw her interactions with Gibby, was that jealousy? Nonetheless he only hesitated for a second before heading into Carly's room and Sam reluctantly allowed him to lead her in. He barely said "hey" before he started setting up stuff for the show. It was typical Freddie, too caught up in his work to pay attention to anyone, even Carly. Sam threw herself onto the bed beside Carly, and pulled her laptop out of her backpack. She set it on the mobile table sat at the side of the bed and pulled it across in front of them.

"'Sup Carls?" she asked.

"Nothin'." Carly's eyes flashed to Gibby for a moment before she returned Sam's gaze, "We were just getting ready for the show."

"Uh huh." Sam said giving Carly a knowing look.

Carly just shook her head, refusing to give in to her teasing.

"Gibby," Sam suggested, "Why don't you go get changed for the show, your outfit is in that bag beside Freddie."

"Alright, alright, I'm going." He agreed before heading out.

Sam's laptop had finally booted up and so she headed over to where fans would be speculating about the upcoming show. Her thinking was almost correct, the forums were full of fans expressing their excitement for tonight's webisode, but most of those were hidden behind iCarly's super fans; the Creddies, the Seddies and what was this? Cam?! People thought she and Carly might be dating?!

"Wow, this whole Cam thing is getting huge." Carly commented.

"You know about this?" Sam asked; this was the first she'd heard.

"There's not much to do in here and Zaplooking yourself is so much more interesting when you're a popular web comedian." Carly explained.

"So people think that we are actually…you know…" Sam couldn't bring herself to finish, the idea of dating Carly was…wrong, Carly was her best friend, her sister; she could never look at Carly that way. She wasn't saying she would never date a chick, Sam would try anything once, she was just saying she'd never, ever date Carly.

"…dating." Carly finished, "Come on, you don't think it would be that bad do you? I have it on good authority that I'm a great kisser."

"Whose authority? The back of your hand?" Sam mocked, "Well, I guess it's better than being paired with Freddork over there."

"Hey!" Freddie said angrily.

"Sam, stop it." Carly warned when she saw Sam open her mouth to reply, "We've got work to do. So, no arguments. At least not until after the show." Then, as an after-thought, she added, "And actually Colton Reid told me that, so there."

"Fine." Sam reluctantly agreed as she continued to scroll through the endless comments, "You made out with Colton Reid?"

"If you hate the Seddie and Cam shippers so much why don't you check out Spam?" Freddie offered. Sam could tell he was just doing it because he felt uncomfortable thinking about Carly making out with anyone and, more likely, he wanted to wind her up.

"Oh Sam doesn't need to do that…" Carly said as she and Sam exchanged silent communications.

"Why not?" Freddie asked.

"'Cause I started it." Sam admitted.

"You created the monster that is Spam shippers?" Freddie said in disbelief.

"Who else could combine a love of spiced ham, a long harboured crush on Carly's brother and the stupid pointless annoying messages from shippers we despise so much?" Sam explained, really it should have been obvious.

"Oh…" Freddie realised.

Sam continued browsing the comments; she'd been through a few hundred when one caught her eye. It was too good an opportunity not to use. With this she could kill two birds with one stone; annoy Freddie and find out if Carly really liked Gibby. She chose her moment carefully before she pointed it out to Carly, whose head was now resting on her shoulder.

"I know your game for the whole Cam thing, but check this out." Sam said indicating the comment among the masses.

She decided to read it aloud, "Am I the only one who ships Cibby?", she paused before continuing, "And look at the replies!"

Sam gestured to the several hundred pro-Cibby replies. Carly didn't say anything. She just shot Sam an angry look. It was in that exact moment that the boy in question chose to make his entrance.

"How do I look?" Gibby asked, twirling on the spot so they could all get a better view of his outfit. He was wearing his lobster doctor suit as part of a "The cowboy and the idiot farm girl" sketch but he was supposed to be dressed in dungarees and a Stetson. Before Sam or Freddie could say something about the fact he was wearing the wrong costume, Carly spoke.

"Awesome." Carly complimented him, almost too enthusiastically.

"But Carls-" Sam began.

"Shhhhh…" Carly interrupted.

Sam didn't bother arguing and neither did Freddie, instead she and Carly ran through their plan for the show, which was starting in thirty minutes. Carly wanted Sam to introduce herself first for some reason and, not wanting to upset her friend, Sam agreed. Sam had however put a stop to Carly's demands when her best friend tried to remove the tube from her nose which supplied her with a pure supply of oxygen. Freddie finished setting up the equipment five minutes before they went live. He barely had time for a quick sound check before he was counting down.

"In 5…4…3…2…" He counted.

"I'm Sam!"

"I have cancer!" Carly exclaimed from her hospital bed.

In that moment the room seemed to freeze. Sam just stared at her best friend and if Freddie's jaw had dropped any lower it would be touching the floor. It was Gibby who saved Sam from saying something she might regret.

"And this is iCarly!" Gibby announced as he danced in front of the camera.

"As you can see we're not in our usual iCarly studio." Sam began, trying to shake the shock out of her system.

"And no, we didn't get locked out the apartment again." Carly added, the friends all exchanged looks at Carly's comment. That had been quite a day.

"Because today, we're coming to you live from the Grey-Sloan Memorial hospital here in Seattle." Sam continued, "You see the reason we haven't been on the air for the last few weeks is…"

"…I'm sick." Carly explained, "But don't worry because the doctors here are confident I'll get better soon."

"So, until then we'll be broadcasting from right here in Carly's room. But don't worry; even in hospitals you can still do this." Sam said into the camera as she pressed the first button on her blue remote.

Portable lights around the room began to flash and music began to play as a voice announced "Random Dancing". Sam rocked out to the beat and Carly waved her arms enthusiastically from her hospital bed. The show continued on from there and they even introduced a new segment appropriately titled "Practical uses for expensive medical equipment". It's fair to say it went well and Sam was pleased to see Carly's beaming smile as they finished up.

"I'm not Carly!" Sam exclaimed.

"And I'm not Sam!" Carly yelled into the camera Freddie was holding.

"But this was…iCarlyyyyy!" The girls cried simultaneously.

"And we're clear." Freddie informed them, "Great show tonight guys."

Freddie had just put down the camera when Carly started to breathe heavily. In a second her raspy breaths had turned into gasping coughs and with each one fresh blood spurted from Carly's throat. Sam ordered Freddie to get help as she immediately headed to her best friend's side. Gibby approached from the other side and grabbed Carly's delicate left hand.

"Carly," He said soothingly, "You need to sit up ok? The doctor is on his way."

He wrapped his other hand behind Carly's back and pulled her up so she was sitting straighter. Sam had never seen Gibby like this; he was so mature, so responsible. For the first time Sam truly understood why Carly loved him. It wasn't that he made her laugh, it wasn't his Gibbyish personality, it was that he truly understood what she needed when everyone else was oblivious.

The doctor hurried into the room with a team of nurses. Sam stepped back to give the doctor some space, but Gibby remained at Carly's side. The doctor was quick to react, giving Carly a disposable bowl to spit the blood into and pulling out his stethoscope. The nurses hurried Sam and Freddie out of the room, but when they tried to shoo Gibby away Carly had clung on to him so he'd been allowed to stay. Outside Carly's room things were tense, not just because they were worried for Carly, but because Freddie had finally come to the realisation Sam had come to a few hours earlier.

Sam could see it written all over his face and it was way less satisfying than she'd imagined. In fact, Sam felt bad for him because Freddie had finally recognised that Carly would never love him, that he would always be waiting for her. She could literally see his heart break plastered across his face, she knew it would be killing him because she'd been through the exact same thing when she realised Freddie would never really be over Carly. Sam couldn't bear to see that expression on Freddie's face for a second longer, as much as she insulted him, as much as she claimed to hate him, Sam could never stop loving Freddie. And so she did the only thing she could think of and slapped him right across the face.

"Oww!" Freddie complained, "What was that for?"

"Look Freddebelle. I know it hurts, trust me...I know, but I need you to be strong right now." Sam informed him.

"How can you possibly understand what I'm going through?" Freddie voiced his frustration, "The one person I'm certain I love and she...she just..."

For the second time Sam did the only thing she could when she couldn't find the words to explain something. She took Freddie's face in her hands and planted a soft kiss on his trembling lips. When they broke apart Freddie just stared at Sam and Sam just stared right back at him, willing him to understand all the things she couldn't say. Sam wasn't sure Freddie had got the message until his hand snaked around her and he kissed her. It wasn't like any other kiss they'd ever shared; it was filled with passion and love but had undertones of the grief the couple both felt for their friend. For the first time in her life Sam knew Freddie really did love her. She didn't care it had taken losing Carly to make him realise it.

"I didn't know..." he began.

Sam didn't need to reply, she couldn't; Sam just wasn't good at using words to communicate. So instead she took his hand in hers and gave it a reassuring squeeze. Freddie held on to Sam's hand afterwards and the two remained that way for some time. It was nice just being with Freddie, it was safe and comforting. Sam knew she should feel happy right now, but she couldn't, not with Carly in that condition.

Her best friend was teetering on a ledge and all it would take was one gust of wind to push her over. Sam knew this could end one of two ways; Carly could get better or Carly could go to a better place. Sam just hoped it wasn't the latter, because losing Carly; that would be like losing her heart. When Carly was first admitted things seemed alright, the doctors were confident she'd get better. But then they got new scans and their confidence wavered. Carly's tumour had grown, it had caused too much damage and just operating wouldn't solve the problem; Carly needed new lungs. Her best friend in the entire world was dying. How could that be? How was that fair?

Of all the people in the world Sam knew, Carly was the one person who didn't deserve this. Carly Shay was the most wonderful person she'd ever met. Everyone loved Carly because Carly loved everyone. She could be shallow, at times a little sassy, she may even have been a weakling but in the end Carly was compassionate and forgiving. Carly's flaws were also her strengths and her mistakes were her greatest triumphs. Her best friend was one of those innocent goody goodies that Sam usually couldn't stand, but there was something different about Carly. Sam definitely didn't know anyone else who would take the blame for something she'd done. Carly was optimistic and she looked at the world with wonder. She was one of those people, the kind of people that believe in magic and soul mates and big foot. That was why every time Sam visited the hospital a piece of her died.

Because however much she tried to hide it, Sam knew that Carly Shay was gone. Her bright bubbly personality was barely visible and when she smiled Sam could tell it wasn't genuine. It was strange because when Sam or the others were around it almost seemed as though Carly was fine. Carly put on this mask and pretended she was ok, but sometimes, when Carly thought she wasn't looking, Sam would see the real Carly leak through. The real Carly wasn't happy; the real Carly was broken and weary. Part of Sam even thought the real Carly wanted to die.

Sam dropped Freddie's hand and turned to face the room behind her. The team of hospital staff had closed the blinds, so the pair couldn't see what was going on inside. Twenty minutes passed before they saw any movement. The blinds swung open and the doctor and nurses left the room carrying bundles of blood soaked items, ready to be disposed of. The pair in the corridor watched through the window as Gibby pulled the now cleaned up Carly into his arms. Sam could see Carly's body trembling as she sobbed into his chest. Freddie walked off, as if to head into the room, but Sam caught his arm.

"Give them a minute." Sam instructed.

That night once again Sam fell into a restless sleep. She woke up several times during the night. Sam just couldn't seem to get the day out of her head. Hospital…illness…cancer…Carly…iCarly…Freddie. Her thoughts cycled round and round the same topics, always reaching the same conclusion. She'd kissed him, why did she kiss him? And he'd kissed her, did he mean it? Sam didn't know what any of it meant. She didn't think she and Freddie would be getting together any time soon, but what was it, a promise for the future? Or something else? She knew she was over thinking it, but Sam couldn't help it, just as she couldn't help but wonder what Freddie was up to at this moment. Why couldn't she get him out of her head?

Sam wouldn't have to worry about having Freddie on her mind for long because the next day something happened which demanded her full attention. Sam was sat beside Carly on her bed and Gibby was stood on the left of Carly as they browsed the latest videos on Splash Face. They were just checking out a video of a rabbit licking peanut butter when (ref to loads of eps), out of nowhere, the door burst open. It was Freddie.

"Hey Freddie," Gibby greeted.

"Sorry to interrupt," He explained, "But there's something you all have to see."

"What is it?" Sam asked, her curiosity getting the better of her.

"Have you been on twitter since the show last night?" he asked.

"No, why?" This time it was Carly who was curious.

"What are you doing now?" He said, gesturing to the laptop.

"Nothing, we were just-" Sam began.

"Great." Freddie interrupted, "Then I'll show you."

Freddie came to stand on Carly's other side and quickly took control of the laptop. After a couple of clicks he found himself on Carly's twitter. Sam watched as Freddie changed the trends from tailored to Worldwide, trying to figure out what he was up to.

"Look." He said, gesturing to the trending topics. There, at the top of the list was something she did not expect to see.

"iCarly is the number one trending topic on twitter!" Sam exclaimed.

"No," Freddie said urgently, "Third one down."

"#shayveforcarly?" Sam asked, giving Freddie a quizzical look.

"Click on it." He instructed.

Sam watched the screen change as Carly clicked the link. There were thousands of posts and in the time Sam had taken in what had appeared on screen there was a box on screen informing them there was 40 new tweets. Carly didn't bother to click show; the tweets on screen were enough to show them what was happening.

"The campaign started last night after iCarly." Freddie informed them, "Literally thousands of people have taken part."

"I think it's great." Gibby said.

"No, it is not great." Freddie pointed out.

"Guys, seriously, calm down." Carly ordered, "It can't be that bad."

"But, what are we going to do?" Freddie asked, his anxiety showing.

"We can't do anything now. " Sam told him.

"What do you mean? Why do we need to do anything?" Gibby asked. Sam just stared in disbelief, only Gibby couldn't realise how bad this was.

"Don't you get it Gibby?" Freddie explained, "Carly's tumour can't be treated with chemotherapy."

"So?" Gibby said. Sam laughed, seriously what was going on? Was Gibby really that stupid?

"So," Freddie paused, "Carly's hair won't fall out. So…all of those people are shaving their heads for nothing."

"Oooh…." Gibby realised. Gibby really should have paid more attention in biology. Carly, Sam and Freddie exchanged a look and immediately burst out laughing. Just for a moment Gibby had made them forget all their troubles, it felt like old times. If only when the laughter stopped they didn't have this mess to clean up and a sick Carly to deal with.

"In 5…4…3…2…" Freddie counted down as they began their impromptu iCarly broadcast.

"I'm Carly…"

"…I'm Sam."

"And this is iCarly!" the girls cheered in unison.

"You may be wondering why we're doing iCarly the second night in a row." Sam began.

"Well, listen up because we have something important to tell you." Carly explained.

"Or rather this doctor does." Sam corrected, gesturing to the man beside her as Freddie panned the camera to get him in the frame.

"You see we thought you might like to know a bit more about what's wrong with me." Carly informed the audience.

"Before you did something crazy. Like, you know, shaving your head." Sam continued.

"So without further ado…" Carly introduced the doctors segment.

"Thanks doc!" Sam said as they camera returned its focus to the show's hosts.

"For those of you that did "Shayve for Carly"…" Carly started.

"…don't be mad because Carly's not the only kid out there with cancer." Sam explained.

"There are thousands of us, living all over the world. And maybe I didn't lose my hair but many of them did." Carly told the viewers.

"Which is why," Sam said.

"To thank all of you that took part" Carly added.

"We would like to introduce a new one-off segment we like to call…"

"…Shayve for Carly!" They yelled into the camera before Freddie panned it round to focus on their volunteer.

When Freddie had suggested this, the first thing Sam asked was whose head they were going to shave. Turns out they didn't have to look far because no sooner than Sam had opened her mouth, was Gibby offering up his precious locks to go under the clippers. Carly had gone wild of course, she knew how important Gibby's hair was to him but in the end she gave in. Only Carly could inspire that kind of sacrifice from Gibby.

And so Gibby's hair got chopped off. Sam had to admit Gibby looked good bald. Everything was going well, until it wasn't. It came out of nowhere, Carly was fine and then suddenly half way through a sentence she started to cough. Compared to her usual it was mild and so there was no need to call the doctors, besides Gibby was an expert when it came to dealing with Carly. So instead of panicking Sam guided Freddie and the camera out of Carly's room to give her some privacy while she finished the show.

"So, until next time, farewell, adieu, ciao…" Sam said into the camera, "…and goodnight. I'm Sam and this was iCarly!"

"And that's a wrap." Freddie told her, "Come on, we better go check on Carly."

"I'll be in, in a second." Sam informed him when she felt her phone buzzing in her pocket. She pulled it out and when she saw the caller ID, decided it was best to just get it over with.

"Who is it?" Freddie asked gesturing to the device vibrating in Sam's palm.

"Spencer," She explained before answering the call, "Hello…"

"Sam! What's going on? I was watching iCarly. What happened? Is Carly alright?" the panicked voice at the other end of the phone responded.

"Relax," Sam said, in attempt to sooth her best friend's worried brother, "It's just a small cough."

"Are you in the room with her?" Spencer asked, "How is she?"

"No, I'm in the hallway. And Carly is fine." Sam insisted.

"You left her alone?" Spencer said angrily, "Are you forgetting our deal? Carly is sick, you need to be more responsible."

"No, of course I didn't." Sam informed the upset Spencer, "Gibby's with her."

"Oh…well that's good." Spencer admitted before suggesting, "Why don't you and Freddie head home? Tell Gibby to wait with Carly until I get to the hospital."

"Sure." Sam agreed.

"Great…Bye." Spencer said before Sam heard a click as he hanged up.

Sam had helped Freddie pack up his stuff before heading home. When she got to the apartment her mum wasn't in; no surprise there. Sam was sure she'd heard her mention something about a date with an Italian chef which meant she wouldn't be home until Sam was heading out for school the following morning. Sam let out a long sigh. She'd been doing that an awful lot recently. The whole world seemed to have turned upside down. On what planet did Spencer trust Gibby to look after Carly more than he did her or Freddie? It was a good thing he didn't know what happened after the iCarly on Saturday night. Sam was sure if he had found out about that she'd have never been allowed to see Carly again. Not that she got to that often anyway, Spencer had told her not to visit during the week because he had time to spend with Carly then. And besides even if she could go, part of Sam didn't want to. The guilt of that admission was killing her. Carly was supposed to be her best friend and yet Sam could barely look at her anymore. It wasn't because she didn't love Carly, Sam would always love her, but it was the pain in her chest that she felt every time she saw her friend. Sam's jokes and teasing had become an act. A façade to hide how she truly felt because, just like Carly, part of Sam wished her friend would die.

Sam knew that even if Carly got better she'd never be the same Carly. And right now, Carly was only getting worse. Sam could see it on Carly's face, every time she looked at her. Carly was in pain, a lot of pain. Sam had noticed her wince when she moved, she saw the strain it put on her. She'd even had to apply extra make up tonight, to hide the bags under Carly's eyes. Carly never complained about it, she never said how much it hurt but they all saw it. No one said anything because they knew it would hurt Carly, the brunette was just trying to be strong for her friends and so they all pretended not to notice. Sam wondered if anyone was themself anymore, she certainly wasn't. Sam had rarely been eating recently, she didn't feel like it. She hadn't been sleeping either. Her two favourite things just didn't seem important anymore. And Freddie? Freddie had quit AV club and his grades had dropped from straight A's to B's and C's. Sam didn't even know where to begin with Spencer. One thing was for sure, the Spencer Shay she'd known her whole life was gone. Then there was Gibby. Gibby was still the same naïve little nerd but he had also aged ten years at the same time. That was all for Carly of course.

Sam woke up at five thirty or rather she got up at five thirty. The only reason she'd gotten any sleep the previous night was because she was so exhausted. The bags under Sam's eyes were rivalled only by Carly's, but Sam didn't want to think about that. Sam didn't want to think about Carly at all, she just wanted to make it through the day. So she busied herself with other tasks; she showered, she got dressed, she did her hair, she applied her usual a thin layer of make-up, it went on and on. When 7am came around Sam was desperate to get out of the house. Her mum still wasn't home, but Sam didn't worry. She got to school for 7.30, a half hour before the bell. She was early for the first time since Elementary and that time was only because her mum had forgotten to pick her up the day before. She'd ended up sleeping under a shelter in the quad. Freddie was already there, Sam spotted him by his locker in the main hallway. She was a little nervous to approach him, they hadn't been alone properly since they kissed and Sam was still unsure of what they whole thing meant. Sam decided to do the only thing she could think of, she would pretend it hadn't happened unless he brought it up. With her mind made up, she headed over to talk to him.

"Hey." She greeted.

"I'm not in the mood." Freddie said grumpily.

"Wow, ok. See you later then, nub." Sam said, laying emphasis on the last word as she turned to leave.

"Sam?" Freddie noticed before catching Sam's wrist.

"Who else would it be?" Sam asked.

"Anyone else. What are you doing in school so early?" Freddie pointed out.

"I was bored and the apartment was too quiet." She explained. Sam would never admit it but she hated being home alone. It made her feel unwanted, it was why she stayed at Carly's so often. That and her mum wasn't the easiest person to live with. Pam Puckett loved nothing more than to point out Sam's flaws, how worthless she was and how she was nothing in comparison to Melanie. It was hardly Sam's fault she'd inherited characteristics from her mother. If she'd been more like her dad, maybe she would have had the good sense to get out of there, like Melanie did.

"Did you have time to get something to eat?" Freddie asked, "They're serving breakfast bagels in the cafeteria."

"Nahh, but I wasn't hungry." She told her friend.

"Oh."

"Yeah, well I better get going." Sam said, "See you."

"Yeah…Bye." Freddie replied as Sam walked off.

Sam had just spotted Gibby and she wanted to talk to him before class. She could see his eyes were swollen and puffy, as though he'd been crying.

"Hey, Gibb. Nice head." Sam commented on Gibby's now shiny smooth scalp.

"Oh, hey Sam." Gibby said sadly, "What's up?"

"Nothin'. 'Sup with you Gibb?" Sam asked, indicating she'd noticed he was upset.

"I'm worried about Carly." He paused, "You know…because she's got that operation today."

"Operation?" Sam clarified, what was Gibby talking about? "What operation?"

"The one to remove her tumour." Gibby informed her, "I thought you knew about it."

"I didn't." Sam established, "Listen, Gibb. I better go."

Sam didn't wait on his response, she just marched off straight to the girl's bathroom. She checked the stalls, they were empty. Sam let out a long-held sigh and then before she could stop herself she started to sob. How could she not know about this? Why hadn't Carly mentioned it to her? Or Spencer for that matter? And what about Freddie, did he know?

Sam couldn't take it anymore. All the lies, the half-truths and the acting, she just wanted it to stop. Why couldn't everyone just be straight with each other? Did they really think it was the best for Carly? Because in that moment Sam was certain it was the worst thing they could do. How was sticking Carly in a bubble and pretending everything was fine going to help her? It was time to end this, it was time to rip off proverbial the band aid and say what needed to be said.

Wendy Sommers chose the wrong moment to go to the bathroom that morning. Sam was just beginning to wipe the tears away and she had yet to find a focus for her building rage when Wendy opened the door. Sam whirled and let out a fearsome growl. She didn't need to do anything else; Wendy was already running out the door screaming. The bell rang while Sam was cleaning herself up, which meant she was late for homeroom. Sam would normally try to avoid this because her class advisor was none other than the mean, pointy boobed Ms Briggs, however when Sam slipped into her seat ten minutes after the bell the teacher was anything but angry.

"Good morning, Sam." The teacher greeted warmly.

Sam didn't respond and the teacher didn't seem to mind. What was going on? Normally Ms Briggs was anything but pleasant towards her and she'd jump at the opportunity to give her detention. And had Ms Briggs actually just called her Sam? Not Samantha? Had she heard that right? Sam turned to her right automatically to exchange a quizzical look with her best friend, but the seat next to her was empty. That was where Carly normally sat. All of a sudden Sam realised that Carly dying would be the most terrible thing that could happen. Yeah, her best friend wouldn't have to suffer anymore, but what would Sam do without her? How would she get through high school? Sam didn't have many friends around here; most people were scared of her, hated her or were in stuck in juvie. Sam didn't fancy going back in there, not after last time. It was Carly who made sure she didn't get into too much trouble, but what would she do without her? There was no doubt in Sam's mind that she would end up hanging out with Dana's old crew again; a scene which she'd been trying to avoid lately. Sam wanted to make something of herself; doing iCarly every week had taught her that, but without Carly the show would end. Without Carly, Sam would get into trouble; get sent to juvie. It may have been selfish, but Sam didn't care. She knew now that there was no way in hell she was going to let Carly give up.

Sam wondered if Carly knew how significant her existence was. It wasn't just her world that would fall apart if she died, it was Freddie's too. Before iCarly he got a lot of hassle from other kids. There was Gibby, what would it do to Gibby? The boy was already a mess. And Spencer? Sam didn't think Spencer would be able to cope without Carly. She couldn't even comprehend what Carly's father must be going through. Colonel Shay was unable get leave from the army to see his daughter, what would happen if she died before he got a chance to say goodbye? Then there was everyone else, not just people from school or family, but the iCarly fans. Sam had seen the videos, the inspiring stories that had come from people watching the show. Kids with depression, kids who were bored, kids who had lost everything, kids with insane talents and kids who didn't have any, they all got something from the show and without Carly, no one could give them what they needed. Sam would always remember one video that was sent in; this girl not much younger than her who'd been getting bullied. But then she saw this segment on iCarly where Sam had shown the viewers how to immobilise an opponent in a fight and the girl could finally stand up to the kids giving her a tough time. There were loads of others like that, people who had worked up the courage to come out to their parents, people who were inspired to put their music and ideas out there. iCarly reached people all over the world and touched their lives in unimaginable ways, but if Carly died this would all come to an end. Right now, Carly was not only the most important person in her life, but in a million different people's lives.

Sam's day was a blur. She went from class to class mindlessly. She couldn't seem to focus on her lessons, nor could she shut off her mind for long enough to sleep. Her teacher's didn't even bother getting her into trouble when she misbehaved. Like when she shoved a boy into a locker when he spilled his drink on her, the teachers just ignored it. What was with that? Everyone was tiptoeing around her like she was about to explode. Well, yeah, of course she was because no one would tell her what was going on. For once, she just wanted people to be honest, but she knew that wasn't how things worked. So, instead, Sam hatched a plan. People needed to learn that she didn't need looking after and she was the only one who could teach them. In order to do so Sam knew she'd have to do something bad, really bad. Something which the teacher's couldn't let her off with, something which might even get her sent back to juvie. The only question was: what? The answer would happen upon her quite by accident.

* * *

That's it for this chapter. Thanks for reading :)


	2. Freddie

This chapter continues directly on from where we left Sam, but it follows Freddie.

* * *

**Part 2: FREDDIE**

Freddie couldn't focus on what his physics teacher was explaining to the class. Mr Malory's droning lecture had become white noise in his head. How could anyone expect him to pay attention with what was going on now? Carly was lying on some operating table with surgical instruments just millimetres away from puncturing her lung. Freddie didn't know how he'd feel if Carly died. Heck, he didn't even know how he felt about her now. Between Carly and Sam, Freddie didn't know where his head was at. He knew that Carly liked Gibby of course, the question was how long that would last. Carly had never had a boyfriend for more than a few months and who's to say Gibby was the exception? Besides, Carly and Gibby weren't even dating. Then there was Sam. They'd kissed in the hospital on Saturday or rather, she'd kissed him. Freddie messed that one up royally too, why did he have to kiss Sam afterwards? He still had unresolved feelings for her, but did he loveher? More importantly, what did Sam feel for him? Was she just trying to comfort him? Or was there more to it? What was worst was there was no one he could ask, his closest friends were all involved in his problem in some way and Spencer didn't have time to give him advice anymore. Sometimes he wished there was a manual for this kind of thing.

The bell ringing to symbolise the end of the day was both a blessing and a curse. It meant an end to the monotony of school, but it also meant going home. His mum was as bad as ever, in fact she was worse. Ever since Carly had gotten sick his mum wouldn't leave him alone, she was determined he was also suffering from some unknown deadly condition. He was surprised she hadn't insisted on picking him up from school today. As Freddie filed out the door, along with the rest of his classmates, he spotted Sam by the lockers. He decided to approach her, despite the fact she was wearing her best frown.

"Sam."

Sam turned to face him; he'd never seen Sam like this before. Her eyes were red, as though she was on the brink of tears and for once she didn't even bother to insult him.

"Did you know?" Sam asked urgently.

"Know what?" Freddie wondered if something had happened.

"About the surgery." Sam clarified.

"Oh." He said before he could stop himself, because Freddie had known. He'd thought Sam knew too. Sam grunted and then began to walk away. Freddie had to explain himself to her.

"Wait!" Freddie begged as he ran in front of her, "Look I didn't know you didn't know."

"Who told you?" Sam questioned.

Freddie didn't answer, he just stared down at the floor because if Sam found out who told him. Let's just say something bad was bound to happen.

"Who told you, Freddie?" Sam asked again as she twisted his wrist in a way it shouldn't bend.

"Fine!" He caved as Sam applied more pressure and pain shot up his arm, "It was Carly…Carly told me."

Sam didn't respond. A choking noise admitted from her throat as she held back sobs. Freddie was more concerned with the agony in his wrist which Sam was still clutching tightly.

"Sam," Freddie pleaded, "Please, you're hurting me…"

"Sorry." She apologised, dropping his wrist. What was going on? When did Sam ever willingly apologise for anything?

"I better go." Sam told him.

"Yeah, me too." Freddie agreed, "My mum will be waiting on me to take another tick bath."

"Oh…" Sam said absentmindedly, "Well I'll see you tomorrow, Freddie."

Freddie could only stare as Sam walked away. He still couldn't comprehend what had happened. When was Sam ever polite to him? Even when they were dating she had not been that nice. Something was up and it made Freddie nervous. Sam was planning something and if he knew Sam at all, whatever it was, wasn't good. He sighed. It was going to be a long night.

That night Freddie had a strange dream. He dreamt that he had never become friends with Carly. That she was just some girl who lived across the hall from him. A girl who he'd see in class and standing by her locker but one he'd never really interacted with. He dreamt that this strange girl died and he dreamt of how her death would impact upon the school. He saw a blonde girl in the corridor, a girl with the weight of the world on her shoulders. A girl that everyone was afraid of but he could see was more afraid than anyone. Something drew him to her, something powerful. He loved this girl, this stranger. The blonde girl was Sam. Then he saw a chubby boy, a weird kid who mumbled to himself all the time. A kid who was on his way to an asylum; Gibby. Freddie saw every one he knew that night, from his closest friends to his odd aunt Susan. He watched them suffer through Carly's death as he felt nothing. There was numbness inside of him, like a huge piece of his heart had been ripped right out of his chest.

Freddie woke up sweating. It was 4 am and his mum was doing her nightly fire drill. Freddie yawned and got out of bed. He stumbled into the hallway behind his mother who was nagging him about how long it had taken them to evacuate the apartment. He couldn't be bothered arguing and so he just nodded at appropriate intervals before heading off to bed. No matter what he tried Freddie couldn't get back to sleep. All he could think about was his dream. What did it mean? Did he love Sam? Or did he love Carly? Was it possible for him to love them both in different ways? Carly was the right choice of course, she was the sweet one, the kind one. Carly was marriage material, the one you knew you would love forever. But Sam, Sam was the one you weren't supposed to pick but you did anyway. Sam was fun, Sam was wild and unpredictable. Sam wasn't the safe choice but with her it was exciting. Every second he spent with her, it was like he was overcome with emotion. And maybe it wouldn't last forever, but even for a short while being with Sam was worth it. His love for her, it consumed every part him.

Who said he even had the right to choose? Who was he to assume that both of these girls would automatically love him? When had Carly ever felt anything for him? He didn't count the time he'd saved her life because he knew she didn't really love him then. Was he really going to wait until Carly realised she'd loved him all along? He'd once said he'd be happy to wait and he'd meant it at the time, but now, now it just didn't seem worth it when he had a chance for happiness with someone else. Besides, it was time Freddie faced the facts. Carly was sick, really sick, who says she'd be around long enough for her to come to that realisation. He was deluding himself, ignoring the facts right in front of him. And Sam? She'd loved him once, but did she still love him? She'd kissed him, but that didn't mean she loved him. Freddie would pick her anyway because holding out for Carly was killing him slowly. He wouldn't be the one to make a move, however, Freddie would wait until Sam came to him. He wouldn't mention the fact they had kissed, he would wait for Sam to address it. And if she didn't? Well, if that happened, Freddie would know for sure that Sam didn't love him.

For once in his life Freddie felt good about himself. He was doing the right thing; being that good guy that he had always claimed to be. He wasn't going to be that guy, the guy who went after two girls and ended up with whatever one didn't reject his advances. He wasn't going to make any advances, nor was he going to assume the girls would. And if Carly finally told him she loved him, he was going to tell her he loved Sam. Because Freddie had picked Sam and it wasn't fair to her if he automatically jumped ship when things weren't going as he had hoped. It was all or nothing and Freddie had just placed his bet.

The next day at school went fast. Freddie was anxious about the end of the day because he had managed to convince Spencer to let him see Carly. Gibby had already been to visit that morning and he seemed much more upbeat than he did before the surgery. Freddie didn't see Sam all day. He wondered what that meant, until he'd over heard something in the corridor at lunch. Sam had been arrested, for what he didn't know. Freddie had asked everyone, but nobody seemed to know anything. All he managed to find out was that Sam had done something, the other seven people involved had transferred schools and Ms Briggs was on leave for her health. Honestly, Freddie didn't want to know what had happened. He was just worried about Sam, every time she came out of juvie she was different; it changed her.

Freddie barely had time to worry about Sam because, before he knew it, he was walking into Carly's new room at the hospital. They were two tubes coming out of her chest and her eyes were closed. Freddie had to look carefully to see her chest rise and fall, her breathing was so shallow. When the door clicked, as the nurse closed it, Carly's eyes fluttered open.

"Freddie…" Carly smiled as she readjusted herself to sit up, "…Did you bring ice cream?"

"Hey," Freddie said, ignoring her last question, "Don't worry; lie back down if you're more comfortable."

"No, it's fine. I'm just tired and they got me doped up on all kinds of pain killers." Carly informed him, "If you could just…" Carly asked as she gestured to the pillows behind her.

Freddie approached the bed cautiously and proceeded to rearrange the pillows behind Carly to give her more support. Carly shuffled over on the bed after he'd done so and patted the space beside her, instructing him to sit. Freddie perched himself on the side of the bed, his back to the door.

"How are you feeling?" Freddie enquired.

"Great," Carly told him, "Better than ever."

Freddie had no doubt this was the truth. There was this glint in Carly's eye which made him wonder just how much pain killer she'd been given.

"Are you high?" Freddie asked curiosly.

"No," Carly insisted before she admitted, "Maybe a little."

"I bet this isn't how you imagined your first experience of hooliganism." Freddie continued, "I certainly envisaged some loud music and a lot more drunken teenagers."

"I'm not so sure," Carly flirted, "You know what they say about high school parties. All those drunken teenagers, all those inhibitions, sooner or later you're bound to end up in a room alone with someone."

He didn't know how to respond. Had Carly actually just said that? She was looking at him strangely now, as though she was trying to figure something out. They sat like that for a moment, looking into each other's eyes before Carly spoke again.

"You smell nice, Benson." She told him after sniffing a few times.

"Thanks," Freddie explained, "its Randy Jackson."

"You still have that?" Carly said, laughing at the memories, "Ms Briggs is crayyyy…."

"I save it for special occasions." Freddie informed her.

"So, this is a special occasion?" Carly giggled, "Does wittle Fredward love Carly?"

"I…uhm…I…"Freddie didn't know what to say.

"Don't worry Freddie." Carly said before dropping her voice to a whisper, "Want to know a secret?" Freddie nodded and Carly continued, "I love you!"

Freddie sat there, completely gobsmacked and Carly just rolled around, laughing uncontrollably. Did Carly just confess her love to him? Mere hours after he had made his stupid decision. Granted, Carly wasn't exactly herself right now, but didn't these kinds of drugs make people speak the truth?

"What about Gibby?" Freddie asked before he could stop himself.

"Gibby doesn't love me." She told him, "Gibby loves someone else, but shhhh….it's a secret."

"Who does Gibby love?" Again Freddie just couldn't stop himself.

"I shouldn't say." The brunette said before she started giggling again.

"Ok."

"Freddie…"Carly began, looking him straight in the eye as she took his hand, "I really do love you."

"You do?" Freddie asked, "This isn't some drug induced euphoria?"

Carly didn't answer him, instead she leaned over and kissed him right on the lips.

Her lips were just millimetres from his when she asked, "Did that convince you?"

"I don't know…" Freddie answered honestly because maybe he was just being hopeful.

This time when Carly kissed him it didn't take him off guard. This time Freddie was able to kiss her back. This time Freddie could put his hand round her waist as Carly wrapped hers around his neck. When the pulled apart they were both breathing heavily and Carly grinned at him eagerly.

"You're a good kisser," Carly commented, "When did you get to be such a good kisser?"

"I wasn't a good kisser before?" Freddie said, unsure of whether he was being complimented or insulted.

That night Freddie realised that he'd made a huge mistake. He'd got caught up in the moment, in the revelation that Carly loved him back, but Freddie had made a promise, one that he intended to keep. He owed it to Sam because he had chosen her. He couldn't do this, Sam had kissed him first and even if she didn't mean it that way, he shouldn't be kissing someone else. Even if, that someone was Carly. Freddie just wished that in order to do the right thing he didn't have to crush Carly's heart.

"Colonel Shay…" Freddie said in surprise, when he opened the door to Carly's room the following day, to see a familiar figure sitting at Carly's bedside.

"Freddie!" He said enthusiastically as he stood and pulled Freddie into a hug, "I wanted to thank you, for looking after Carly while I've been away."

"I didn't really do anything-" Freddie began.

"Nonsense," Colonel Shay told him, "You've been a friend to Carly. And Carly really needs her friends right now."

"Oh…well, no problem I guess." Freddie said, "I wouldn't be able to speak to Carly alone for a second would I?"

"Of course you can," Colonel Shay said, "I was just going to get something from the machine anyway? Want anything while I'm there?"

"No," Freddie said, "But thanks, for the offer."

Freddie waited until Colonel Shay had left the room before he turned to face Carly. In that moment, seeing Carly staring up at him like that, Freddie forgot the speech he had been rehearsing all afternoon.

"So…" He began.

"What's up?" Carly asked; a puzzled expression on her face.

"Look…" Freddie took a deep breath, "About yesterday…I should've...I let us get carried away…and…and …I'm sorry."

"What are you on about?" Carly said; her puzzled look replaced with complete confusion.

"You've got to be kidding me." He said automatically, before asking, "You don't remember?"

"Remember what?" Carly questioned.

A few hours ago Freddie had been praying for this to happen, but now that it had, it killed him. Everything that had happened between them wasn't real. What hurt more is while she couldn't remember any of the events, he could never forget them.

"Remember what?" Carly repeated.

"Nothing." Freddie lied, "It doesn't matter."

Colonel Shay chose to enter Carly's room in that moment and Freddie took the opportunity to leave. He didn't say goodbye, he needed to get out of there and quickly. What was he thinking yesterday? He had picked Sam. And then what? He abandoned her. Freddie wasn't worthy of either of them. He was a scum bag, a dead beat. He didn't deserve happiness.

As he lay in bed, Freddie couldn't stop thinking about Sam. She was locked up in a cell somewhere. He wondered if her night was as sleepless as his, he wondered if she was as afraid as he was. Freddie wished more than anything there was something he could do to make it up to her. He knew he'd have to tell her what had happened, it was the least he could do. But, with Sam in juvie, that wouldn't be so simple. First he'd have to find out where she was being held and to do that he'd have to visit one of the most unpleasant people he'd ever met, Sam's mum, Pam Puckett.

Freddie didn't fancy making the trip to see Sam's mum without back up and so the next day at school he asked Gibby to accompany him. Freddie was very vague about why he needed to talk to Sam because he was more than sure that if Gibby found out he had kissed Carly, then Carly wouldn't be the only one stuck in a hospital bed. He shivered at the memories of the last time he had enraged Gibby, there was no way he was going to repeat that experience. When they reached Sam's apartment Freddie hesitated before knocking on the door. After some loud bangs and a lot of words said that Freddie was pretty sure weren't legal, Pam Puckett opened the door. She was dressed in what were clearly lasts nights clothes and she stank of alcohol and cigarettes.

"Oh…" Pam said snidely when she spotted Freddie, "…it's you."

"Hey, Miss Pucket!" Gibby said enthusiastically.

"Gibby!" Pam greeted when she noticed the chubby boy standing behind Freddie, "How are you? How's your Uncle Tom? Still not married?"

"You know Uncle Tom, forever the batchelor." Gibby informed her, "He wanted me to give you this." Gibby said as he pulled a box of chocolates out of his jacket and handed them to Pam.

"Oh, Tom is a sweet one." Pam smiled, "Tell him I'm thinking about that night on the pier will you?"

Freddie couldn't comprehend what was going on. Sam's mum and Gibby; talking, getting along? He'd never seen Pam be so…pleasant. It almost made him forget why he'd come.

"Look," Freddie began, "We don't have time for chit-chat. I need to talk to Sam."

"Awful demanding aren't we?" Pam ranted, "Just like every other man in the world. Why can't you be more like Gibby?"

"I'm sorry," Freddie apologised, "But I wouldn't have asked if it weren't urgent."

"Why? Because you cheated on her? You want to explain yourself?" Pam guessed.

"W…wh…what?" Freddie stuttered. Although technically he had never cheated on Sam, Freddie felt like he had and Sam's mum saying it out loud hit a little too close to home.

"Figures." Pam complained, "My Sammy deserves better than you, you little scumbag. And if you even bothered talking to her you'd know she was locked up in Three Waters. Now get out, before I throw you out." And with that Pam slammed the door.

"What are we going to do now?" Gibby asked. Freddie laughed, was Gibby really that dumb?

"Don't worry Gibb." He informed his friend, "I got everything I needed." Then as an afterthought, "Hey, why do you think Miss Puckett hates me so much?"

"Isn't it obvious?" Gibby asked and when Freddie shook his head, he explained himself, "You broke both her daughters' hearts. That's something no mother can forgive, even Pam Puckett"

"Don't tell me you're in on the whole Melanie thing too?" Freddie couldn't believe this, "Sam already told me she made it up."

"What are you talking about?" Gibby said giving him a puzzled look. Freddie just shook his head and began heading out of the building.

Visiting hours at Three Waters Juvenile Correctional Facility were until 5.30pm which meant Freddie had plenty of time to visit Sam before he headed back to Bushwell Plaza. Luckily enough his mum was at his Aunt Susan's for a couple of days because she'd picked up an infection on holiday in Mexico and so he was staying at the Shay's which meant if he was late home no one would notice.

"So, how are things?" Sam asked when he sat down. They were divided by a plexi-glass screen and had to use those dirty phone things to talk. If Freddie's mum found out where he was he wouldn't be allowed to leave the bath for a week.

"Well, the mere mention of your name sends people running in the opposite direction if that's what you mean." Freddie exaggerated. Then he decided to try his luck, "What did you do?"

"I can't tell you." Sam informed him and after she heard him emit a disappointed "Oh" she explained, "Look, it's not that I don't want to. It's just; I have a trial tomorrow and Spencer arranged for Socko's sister to be my defence and she said I wasn't supposed to say anything. Sue's a good lawyer so I'm going to trust her on this."

"It's going to trial?" Whatever it was, Freddie knew it was serious.

"Yeah, this place is for babies compared to the real thing. No chizz." Sam told him, he could hear the fear in her tone, hidden behind false courage.

"How long?" He asked, hoping he wasn't pushing it.

"Best case I get found not guilty, worst case six months."

"Sixth months…" Freddie didn't know if Sam would cope for that long. As much as she acted tough he knew that most of it was an act. Yeah, she could knock a few heads when she wanted but Sam had heart, Sam was sensitive and being inside would go one of two ways; Sam would break or Sam would become the monster. Sam was a survivor and he knew it was more likely she would do the latter. Whatever happened, she'd certainly never be the same.

"Don't be so pessimistic, of course I'm getting out of here." Sam attempted to cheer him up, but Freddie could tell she was really comforting herself, "We've got an iCarly to do don't we?"

When Freddie didn't reply Sam continued, "Why'd you come here anyway?"

"Listen Sam…" Freddie began. He forced himself to look her in the eye, "Before I tell you, you need to understand something. It didn't mean anything. And afterwards all I could think about was you -"

Sam cut him off, "Just spit it out already."

"I…I kissed Carly." Freddie admitted, "Or she kissed me. I don't know. She was on these pain killers and she said things. But I…I didn't stop her."

"Why would I care?" Sam said bluntly.

As soon as she said it Freddie's heart literally broke in two. Sam didn't care. She didn't love him.

"I thought…" he began, "…you kissed me…and…."

"It was the only way to get you to shut up." Sam said defensively, "Anyway, I've got to go. If I'm gone for too long my cell mate will steal the top bunk off me and I already got into stick for trying to break her arm. Trouble does not look good in court."

With that, Sam gestured to one of the guards and he escorted her away. Freddie got up from his stool, glancing behind to look at Sam when he reached the door. The bus ride home was torture. Freddie turned the music up on his pear pod to distract himself from his thoughts. He got back to the building for ten past five and a short elevator ride took him to the Shay's apartment on the 8th floor. He opened the door to find Spencer and Colonel Shay in the kitchen.

"Oh, hey Freddie." Spencer said.

"Good to see you." Colonel Shay greeted. It was strange to see Carly's dad wearing ordinary clothes for once. Sometimes Freddie forgot he wasn't just a soldier.

"Hi." Freddie said glumly before collapsing onto the couch.

"You alright buddy?" Spencer asked.

"I'm fine." Freddie insisted.

"Hey Dad, why don't you go back to the hospital?" Spencer suggested, "Gibby will probably want to get home now." Then Spencer said something in such a quiet voice it was barely audible, "I've got this, trust me."

"Well, if that's what you want." Colonel Shay replied before heading to the elevator, "I best be off then. Spencer. Freddie."

"So…" Spencer offered, "You want something to eat? I can make Spaghetti tacos?"

"No thanks." Freddie responded, "I'm not hungry."

Spencer came over and sat down on the couch next to him, "You want to talk about it?"

"It's Sam…" Freddie explained.

"What's happened?" Spencer asked, "Is this something to do with her being in juvie?"

"No, who told you that anyway?" Freddie paused, "I love her, but she doesn't love me."

"Gibby." Spencer clarified, "Did she tell you that?"

"No, but she may as well have."

"Then how'd you know?" Spencer pointed out.

"Even if she did…she won't any more. She'll never forgive me for what I've done." Freddie realised.

"What did you do?" Spencer asked, "It can't have been that bad."

"I kissed Carly." Freddie confessed. Spencer Shay didn't get mad at him, Freddie knew he would rather Carly kissed someone he knew and trusted over a stranger.

"Carly?" Spencer said, looking slightly confused, "I thought you were over that whole crush thing."

"I thought I was too, but then I went to see her the other day and she was on these drugs that made her all loopy. And then she said she loved me and then she kissed me, twice. And then when I went to talk to Carly about it she couldn't remember." Freddie explained.

"And you told Sam?" Spencer figured.

"Yeah."

"You did the right thing." Spencer expressed his pride, "It may not seem like that now, but you did. You're a good kid, Freddie."

"It doesn't matter." He informed Spencer, "Sam didn't care."

"Of course she did." Spencer said, as though it were obvious.

"No," Freddie argued, "She distinctively said, "Why would I care?""

"Yeah, but when chicks say stuff like that it doesn't mean what you think it means. What Sam actually said was "I'm hurt right now, give me some time."" Then Spencer went off track or so Freddie thought, "Have you ever seen the nature channel?"

"That show with the lions?" Freddie asked.

"Any show really. My point is when an animal gets hurt what does it do?" When Freddie didn't answer Spencer did it for him, "They attack. Sam just wants some time to lick her wounds. So give her that time, she'll come around."

"Thanks Spencer." Freddie said as he took in what his older friend was saying. Spencer was right.

"Anytime, Freddie." He said, getting up from the couch, "Now, how about some Spaghetti tacos?"

"Sounds great." Freddie replied as Spencer headed back to the kitchen to prepare their meal.

"Hey, you want a snack while you wait?" Spencer offered from the kitchen.

"Yeah, if you don't mind." Freddie accepted.

"Here you go." Spencer said tossing Freddie an apple which he caught with one hand.

Freddie took a bite and was immediately in heaven, "Where'd you get these?"

"Socko's grandmother." Spencer told him before clarifying which one he meant, "Mrs Smith."

That night Freddie slept in Spencer's bed while Spencer slept on the couch. (Colonel Shay was sleeping in one of those fold-out beds in Carly's room in the hospital.) He had never been in his older friend's room before but it was just as he'd thought it would be. The room was full of nick-nacks and tools and paints and pieces of junk which Spencer had clearly intended to use to make a sculpture. Not that Spencer had been sculpting at all lately. Freddie hadn't seen him do his art since Carly went to hospital. Spencer spent all his time either with Carly or out. Freddie wasn't sure where Spencer went when he went out but he would always return a few hours later looking the same as when he'd left. Today Spencer had been different. Freddie didn't know why but he had witnessed it for himself. For the first time in weeks Spencer had taken the time to give him advice and Freddie knew that could only be a good thing. It wouldn't be until the next day that he would find out why everyone was strangely happy.

The next morning Freddie left for school at 7am sharp. When he got up Spencer was in the shower so he had to leave without saying goodbye or thanking him. His mum would be back from his aunt's tonight, so he wouldn't get be staying at the Shay's again, but Freddie hoped he would still get a chance to talk to Spencer at some point. School, for want of a better term, sucked for Freddie, he hadn't done any of his homework and he was pretty sure he'd failed his physics test. Not that school really mattered to Freddie anymore, not when his whole world was falling apart. After school Freddie went to visit Carly with Gibby. On the way over Freddie realised that no one had told Carly about Sam being in juvie, but when he pointed it out to Gibby, his friend had admitted that he had already shared the secret with Carly. Freddie sighed; he didn't know whether to be relieved that Gibby couldn't keep a secret or angry.

When they reached Carly's room all hell was breaking loose inside. Carly was crying, hot angry tears, and she was shouting at both Spencer and her father. Freddie had never seen Carly like this. She was mad, but Freddie couldn't really tell what at. Sure, she was yelling at her family, but Carly's anger didn't really seem to be directed at them; not really. If Freddie knew Carly at all, her frustration was at this situation. He knew Carly couldn't take being locked in a confined space for this long. He'd seen it himself when iCarly had done that space training programme. But there was more than that to this situation, something no one had told him.

"What's going on?" Freddie asked camly.

Everyone in the room whirled to face him. Freddie didn't like the feeling of having six pairs of eyes tracking his every movement and so he chose to focus his gaze on the one pair of eyes in the room he knew he could really trust. Carly held his gaze for a moment until Spencer started to talk.

"Instead of waiting on lungs from a cadaver, the doctor suggested we get tissue for Carly's lungs from living donors." Spencer explained, "So we got ourselves tested."

"But that's great." Freddie said automatically, "Were you a match?"

"We both are, you need two living donors to-" Spencer told him before he was cut off.

"No it's not." Carly interrupted, "What are you going to do dad? If you donate half a lung to me then you won't be able to pass the army's physical. You'll lose your job. And Spencer? You can't even walk up a flight of stairs without getting out of breath."

"You always say you want to spend more time with me." Colonel Shay argued, "This way I could be home all the time…I wouldn't have to miss anything ever again."

"I'm not going to let you." Carly voiced her opinion, "I know how much your job means to you, how important it is to you. And it's important to me, you're out there, protecting the country. How many kids in school can say that? I won't let you give that up for me. And if a recipient doesn't want the organs the body will reject them. You can't change my mind on this."

"Listen to me snug bug." Colonel Shay said, choosing his words carefully, "Nothing is more important to me than you-"

"Don't forget me, dad." Spencer added.

"Wait," Gibby interjected, gesturing to Colonel Shay, "I thought you were Carly's dad?"

"I am." Colonel Shay responded.

"Then how come Spencer called you dad?" Gibby asked.

"Because Colonel Shay is Spencer's father." Freddie clarified for Gibby.

"You're telling me Spencer isn't Carly's dad's brother?" Gibby realised. Freddie couldn't help himself and apparently neither could anyone else in the room as they all burst out laughing simultaneously.

"No, Gibb." Carly explained through her giggles, "Spencer's my brother."

"Oh…" It appeared Gibby had finally understood until, "Wait…what?"

Freddie shook his head. Why was Gibby finding this concept so difficult to understand?

Colonel Shay raised his eyebrows before he continued, "As I was saying, nothing is more important to me than you and Spencer." He emphasised the last two words before he went on to say, "No job will ever compare to the joy I feel everyday knowing I have a daughter as wonderful as you. I know at times it may seem like I'm not there, but Carly know this, the reason I joined the army in the first place was because I wanted to make sure that this country was a safe place for my children to grow up in. After being in the army for so long, I know that it is. And so I know that if I weren't there that wouldn't change. Let me do this Carly, let me protect you."

"I…" Carly stuttered "I…I…can't."

"Carly…" Colonel Shay said sadly.

"Come on." Spencer suggested, putting a hand on his father's shoulders, "Let's go grab something to eat while Carly talks to her friends." And with that they left.

After they were gone from the room Freddie didn't say anything and neither did Carly. Gibby followed the trend as he took the seat on the left of Carly's bed. Freddie decided to copy him and sat on the right, facing Gibby. It was Gibby who finally spoke.

"So…" He began as he took a hold of Carly's hand.

"So…what?" Carly asked as she watched Gibby fiddle with her fingers.

"Huh?" Gibby said, giving Carly an odd look.

"I don't know, you started talking and then you stopped." Carly pointed out.

"Oh…right." Gibby realised, "I just didn't like the silence."

Freddie couldn't take it anymore, he had to say something.

"Why didn't you say yes?" He demanded.

"Freddie, you don't get it. You-" Carly said before Freddie cut her off.

"That's right. I don't." Freddie admitted, "So explain it to me."

"She doesn't need to explain anything." Gibby insisted when Carly started to look uncomfortable, "its Carly's decision. She doesn't have to justify anything to you."

"Carly can speak for herself." Freddie argued.

"Carly is sick." Gibby said, standing up, "She needs her friends to be supportive of her and not undermine every decision she makes."

"I th-" Freddie paused when he saw the girl in the bed begin to take raspy breaths, "Carly…are you alright?"

Carly's response was lost in a fit of coughs. Gibby reacted instinctively, pulling Carly into a sitting position and rubbing her back.

"Let it out…" Gibby said soothingly, "You're ok, just let it out."

There was something familiar about the scene in front of him. He couldn't quite pin point it. Then he remembered, it reminded him of an iCarly segment they'd done last year. In the sketch Carly had to pretend to be sick and she did these fake coughs, exactly like the ones she was doing now.

"Gibby…stop." Freddie ordered. When Gibby ignored his request Freddie pulled his hands from Carly, "She's faking it."

As soon as Freddie had uttered those words, Carly's coughing fit "miraculously" stopped.

"Ever heard of the girl who cried moose?" Freddie pointed out.

"It was the only way I could think of to get you guys to stop arguing. Well, it was that or crying and I'm not so good with the fake tears. How'd you know anyway?" She asked.

"You did the exact same cough for a sketch on iCarly." He explained.

"Ah, the cowboy and the idiot farm girl who thought the cowboy's moustache was a squirrel? The one with squirrel flu?" She recalled.

"One and the same." Freddie confirmed.

"Carly…" Gibby paused, "Why would you do that?"

"Gibb," Carly said as she took a deep breath, "I'm sorry." Then she turned to Freddie, "Give us a minute, will you?"

In response to Carly's question Freddie walked out of the room and closed the door behind him. When he got outside the room, Freddie turned back to watch the scene inside through the thin sliver of glass on the door. He could see Carly's lips moving, but he couldn't make out what she was saying and Gibby was nodding every so often. After Carly finished talking she moved over on the bed to give him space to sit down. Gibby was sitting in a similar position to the one Freddie had when Carly had kissed him. With his back now turned, Freddie couldn't see if Gibby was talking, but he figured since Carly wasn't saying anything he must be. Part of Freddie wanted to start laughing, because staring at the back of Gibby's now bald head he noticed it looked like a giant egg attached to a teenager's body, but another part of him wanting to scream. Freddie was frustrated that he couldn't hear what was going on, especially when Gibby came to rest his hand on Carly's cheek. Freddie found himself turning away when he saw them lean in for a kiss. This was it, the moment of truth; Carly and Gibby were an item, even if they didn't tell anyone. Somehow, Freddie expected to be hurt by this sudden revelation, but he wasn't. In fact the only reason he had turned away was to give the couple some privacy. He leaned back against the door and let out a sigh. After all these years, Freddie had finally discovered he didn't love Carly; he loved the idea of her.

* * *

Ok, that's it. Thanks for reading :)


	3. Gibby

Continued from where we left Freddie.

* * *

**Part 3: GIBBY**

Gibby was ecstatic, this was it, he was living his dream. Carly was his, the most beautiful girl he had ever seen was his; the only girl he had ever loved was his. As the couple pulled away from their kiss, Gibby almost had to pinch himself. It had to be a dream because in what reality would a girl like Carly want a guy like him? But then Gibby came to realise the truth of it, yes, Carly wanted him, but for how long? Carly was dying after all; in fact Gibby was sure Carly was determined to die. But who was he to tell her what to do? It was Carly's life and as much as Gibby wanted to yell at her, to demand she accept the organs from Spencer and Steven Shay, he couldn't bring himself to. How could he ever be mad at Carly, sweet and wonderful Carly? The answer was he couldn't, he could never raise his voice to her or upset her. As Gibby sat there staring into Carly's eyes, he felt tears come to his own and he allowed them to fall and run down his cheeks. Gibby wasn't afraid to cry, not in front of anyone and especially not in front of Carly.

Carly took his face in her hands and used her thumbs to wipe away his tears. These were strange tears; hot and cold, happy and sad all at once.

"Don't cry Gibby," Carly pleaded, "You're a big, strong, tough guy. You don't need to cry over me."

"Gibbehh…" he said half-heartedly, turning his head as he choked back the sobs that begged to be released.

"Hey," Carly instructed, "Look at me." Gibby moved his gaze to meet Carly's eyes. Then she said something so wonderful, so unbelievable, that his heart stopped and he didn't know whether Carly meant it or she was just saying it out of obligation, "I love you."

"I love you too." Gibby told her, attempting to discard his doubts, as he pulled her into his arms.

They sat there for a moment, Carly's head rested on his chest, his arms wrapped around her delicate frame. Every time he felt Carly take a breath, he felt he could stop holding his. Gibby was more afraid than he'd ever been in his life. Carly was growing weaker by the day; he saw it. Gibby wasn't stupid like everyone thought he was, yes, he was naïve, yes, he could be gullible and he may not have as wide of a knowledge about the world as most people his age, but he wasn't stupid; not when it came to Carly. Eventually, Gibby knew this hug would have to come to an end; that the world would have to start again. So he treasured it, the smell of Carly's hair, even though it was kind of musty, the feel of her head against his chest and the comfort of holding her in his arms. Before long Carly had fallen asleep, she was doing that more and more often. Gibby sighed and gently laid her down on the bed, placing a kiss on her forehead as he wished her sweet dreams. He had got up from the bed and was just opening the door when he heard Carly call after him.

"Where…where are you going?" Carly asked weakly.

"Shhh…" he whispered, "Go back to sleep."

"Unnh…ghh…erng" Carly's response was unintelligible.

Gibby smiled before he proceeded into the hallway, where Freddie was stood, looking slightly anxious.

"How's Carly?" he asked nervously.

"She fell asleep and I got _bored_." Gibby attempted to inform his friend, but as he reached the end of the sentence his voice cracked and the tears started to fall once more. How long until Carly would fall asleep and never wake up? Just like his hamster when he'd gotten sick. The mere thought of Carly dying made him filled him with despair. It was worse than seeing orphaned birds, Khloe Kardashian and people who didn't understand the magic of Justin Bieber put together. It ached, a pain worse than any physical injury he had ever suffered. This time it was Freddie who comforted him. His friend put an arm round his back and offered him a tissue from his pocket.

"Thanks." He sniffled.

"That's alright."

"Hey," Gibby asked, noting the softness of the tissues, "What are these tissues?"

"They've got Aloe Vera in them." Freddie offered.

"This is the best thing since liquid soap. I'm never using an ordinary tissue again." Gibby vowed.

"So, you're feeling better?" Freddie assumed.

"Gibbehhh." He confirmed.

Since Carly was asleep Gibby saw no reason to remain at the hospital, so he went home. The house looked dark from outside and when he got in all was quiet. He was just about to head upstairs when he noticed the light was still on in the kitchen. When he peaked through the door to look into the narrow room Gibby found his mother.

"Gibbehhh" He announced his presence.

"Gibby!" She said merrily, giving him a welcoming smile before enveloping him in a hug.

"Want me to cook you something up for dinner?" She asked when they had pulled apart.

"Nah, I'm good." He replied, but when she frowned he added, "Maybe you could get me some corn juice?"

"Sure, if that's what you want." His mum said, "While I do that why don't you fill Sir Licksalot's water bowl?"

"Where is Sir Licksalot anyway?" Gibby asked, as he poured fresh water into the silver bowl, wondering what exactly his growing puppy was up to.

"He and your brother fell asleep on the couch watching Girly Cow." His mother informed him.

His mother handed him the glass of juice and Gibby sipped it slowly as he watched her clean the counters. Now that was what he called refreshing. When Gibby was finished with his glass he rinsed it out and left it to drain beside the sink before heading to the living room. Guppy was snuggled up on the couch with Sir Licksalot in his arms. Gibby couldn't resist snapping a pick of them on his pear phone which he set as his new wallpaper. Every night Guppy would watch the same Girly Cow DVD (uncensored version of course) that he had been given for his birthday. It was his little brother's favourite show, but he couldn't watch it on television because they didn't have cable. Every night Guppy would fall asleep watching the third episode on the same disk. Gibby wondered if Guppy had actually seen any episode past the third one or even knew they existed, somehow Gibby doubted it. After making sure he had unplugged the sockets for the tv, he scooped the sleeping pair into his arms and carried them up to Guppy's room. He tucked his brother and the sleeping puppy into Guppy's bed and turned on the nightlight in the corner of the room. As he turned to leave he heard Guppy mutter "Happy Birthday" in his sleep and he had to take a deep breath to stop himself from getting mad at his slumbering brother. He left the door open a crack so that light from the corridor would filter into his brother's room and headed into his own room which was located directly across the hall.

Gibby flicked on the light switch and shut the door behind him. His room was the pretty small, especially compared to his friends, but it was the only place in the house that was truly his. He had managed to squeeze in a double bed, a desk, a wardrobe and an end table to go beside his bed. Apart from that there was just enough space for one person to navigate their way around the room. His walls were covered in posters; he had pictures of his favourite musicians from One Direction and Justin Bieber to the Dingo Channels' Sonaj Sisters, he had photos of animals, his favourite being a picture of his cat, there were movie posters from Galaxy Wars franchise, and he had pictures of his friends: Freddie, Sam and Carly. And finally, pride of place, above his bed he had three shelves which he had filled with his collection of Jewish action figures. His bedspread was currently a colourful sheet which had actually been used on an episode of Sing Song, Dancy Dance. He had phoned in on a Radio Dingo contest five hundred and thirty two times, at a cost of $3 dollars per call, to win that.

Gibby took his shirt off and threw it in the basket at the end of his bed before sitting down on the squeaky mattress. From the sitting position Gibby kicked off his shoes and took off his belt. He lay back on his bed and stared up at the flaking paint on his ceiling. He had to adjust his pillows so that he was comfortable because underneath he kept his most treasure possessions; the first dollar he had made from opening his restaurant in school, a set of neon straps that he'd grabbed one time he got kicked out of build-a-bra, a bag containing all his hair from when it was shaved off and his One Direction scrap book.

Gibby reached under his bed and felt for the remote which controlled the stereo on his desk. When he felt his hands wrap around the device, he pulled it out and pressed play. The song that started was one he was more familiar with than any other song he'd bought from PearTunes. It was Little Things by One Direction, a song which reminded him of Carly. As it played Gibby sang each line and thought of the girl he loved and all the things she thought made her imperfect, but really just made her more beautiful in his eyes. He felt things he couldn't express, but the song summed up all of his emotions perfectly. When Gibby said he loved Carly he meant it. When Gibby said he loved Carly he meant he loved every part of her. He loved her for her insecurities, for her constant need of approval, for her ambitions (however unrealistic), for her imperfections, for her idealistic view of the world, for the long showers she takes when she's depressed, for her naivety, for her dignity and for the simple joy that seeing her brought him each day. Gibby would never stop loving Carly, even if she was gone. He knew he would never get over that loss.

As the tears came to his eyes Gibby pressed skip and so the stereo began to play the next song on shuffle. This time it was a song he was even fonder of and he joined in enthusiastically during the chorus.

"Loving you…is my favourite thing to do. And if you'll be mine…to the end of all time…My heart will sing the sweetest part of this song…" Gibby sang but he couldn't finish for his sobbing.

While he loved Carly with every fibre of his being, Gibby wondered if she loved him, really loved him. Gibby was afraid to give himself to her because deep down he knew that Carly couldn't love him. Carly didn't see him the way other girls did, she along with her friends, saw him as the idiot, the clown, the baboon. No girl could get past that. He remembered how shocked everyone was when he had been dating Tasha or when Freddie's and Spencer's dates had been interested in him. They had all assumed there was something wrong with them and maybe they were right. Gibby always thought it was his sensitivity and humorous charm that made him so attractive to women, but right now that confidence he felt was wavering. In the past Carly had dated bad boys like Griffin, intelligent guys like Kyle and even geeky guys like Freddie. Yeah, she'd been through them. Not that Gibby meant that in a bad way, he wasn't saying she was what Sam would refer to as a skank, because Carly most definitely wasn't. He was just saying that Carly enjoyed having a boyfriend. Gibby even thought Carly might feel she needed to have one. He understood why of course; Carly didn't really have a father figure. Well, she did have Spencer (who Gibby was still unsure about how he was related to Carly), but he didn't count because she spent more time looking after him than he did her. Therefore it was only reasonable that Carly wanted a guy in her life who would wrap his arms around her and tell her everything was going to be alright. So yeah, Carly had had a lot more boyfriends than the average girl at his school, but apart from Griffin, Steven (who Carly refused to talk about) and maybe that Lance guy, none of them were serious. There was, however, one thing every one of them had in common; they were nothing like Gibby and to him that meant their relationship was doomed. He half-expected to visit Carly in the hospital the following day and find she'd changed her mind about everything.

Gibby fell asleep with his stereo playing. As he woke the following morning he was greeted by a sombre song which reminded him of all that was wrong in his life. Gibby didn't hesitate; he got up from his bed and yanked the plug forcefully out of the socket, knocking over a lamp and smashing it in the process. Gibby cursed. He didn't normally swear as those kinds of words made him feel dirty. He normally left Sam to do the swearing, but right now he was so frustrated he wanted to go around screaming the worst words he could think of and calling strangers hobknockers. Gibby took a deep breath, it was a good thing he was going to see one of his therapists this afternoon. First though, Gibby had important business to attend to; he had to get ready to go and see Carly. After applying a thick coating of Ocean Breeze to his underarms and putting on a fresh set of clothes, Gibby set off on his forty minute journey to the hospital.

The Grey-Sloan Memorial Hospital was always busier on the weekends, but especially so on Saturdays. The elevator that took him to Carly's floor was cramped and uncomfortable, but thankfully it was a short ride. As he stepped out of the elevator he bumped into Freddie.

"Oh, hey Freddie." He greeted his friend.

"Alright Gibb." Freddie said absentmindedly as he stepped into the lift.

Gibby turned around to watch the sliding metal doors shut behind him as Freddie gave him a half-hearted wave. As he turned around to head to Carly's room, Gibby wondered what was bothering the usually upbeat boy, but he had little time to worry about that as before he knew it he was walking through the door to Carly's room. For once Carly was awake, but Gibby had no time to be happy about this as he processed what was going on. Steven and Spencer were yelling at one of the nurses and another nurse was trying to pin a squirming Carly down onto the bed, at the side of which stood a doctor holding rather a large needle. Carly was screaming, not her usual happy, excitable burst, but one which suggested panic and genuine fear. He could also see that she'd pulled out several of the tubes that were attached to her and there was blood pouring out of her arms and chest from where she had done so. Gibby began to feel increasingly nervous, he didn't like all the noise, but what worried him the most was Carly's manic behaviour. He'd only ever seen her like this once before; it was on a school trip where he and Carly had got stuck in an elevator for several hours. Carly had gone insane; she'd started yelling and banging her head against the wall. Gibby also knew she'd done a similar thing when she, Sam and Freddie did that space training program. He let his instincts take over as he moved towards Carly's bedside. Gibby gestured for the nurse to move so Carly could see him and he knelt down beside her.

"Hey! Hey!" Gibby said soothingly, trying to focus Carly on his voice, "Look at me."

"Gibby?" Carly stopped squirming under the nurse's weight when she turned to face him.

The room was quiet then because Steven and Spencer were no longer arguing with the hospital staff and Carly had stopped yelling to turn her attention and focus on him. And Gibby felt everyone's eyes on him and he felt the sweat gather on his brow. But still, in spite of the pressure, he talked to her because he was aware that, in that moment, he was the only one with the power to calm her down.

"You're alright." Gibby continued, "I know you're scared, but everything is going to be fine. The doctor needs you to stay still ok? Can you do that? Can you stay still?"

He knew he had said the right thing when Carly nodded and the nurse dropped his hold on her, allowing Carly to move around freely. Gibby stood up and placed a hasty kiss on her forehead before he began stroking her hair in a steady rhythm. His mum used to do the same thing to him when he was upset or scared. The doctor worked around his presence, reattaching the removed tubes and checking Carly's vitals. And while he did that Gibby murmured whatever words of comfort he could provide. Then Steven and Spencer came to stand beside him and offer support to Carly, as the doctor checked her breathing. The doctor was frowning slightly when he removed the microphone thing from Carly's back which Gibby knew meant something bad. He was suddenly aware of a growing lump in his throat and a sick feeling in the pit of his stomach. It was the same feeling he got when he had a test coming up or when Sam was in a bad mood and Freddie wasn't around. Except it wasn't the same feeling because this feeling was a trillion times worse and it made him want to tear off his shirt and scream and cry until the feeling went away. So when the doctor started asking Carly how she was feeling, Gibby just stood there and said nothing.

"Carly, on a scale of one to ten how strenuous is it for you to take a breath? Ten being you're completely struggling and one being not at all?" The doctor asked.

"About an eight." She panted.

"Ok." The doctor responded, making notes on her chart, "And how about pain? On the scale of one to ten; ten being agony, one being none at all?"

"Eight and a half." She breathed.

"Carly…I think it would be for the best if we were to sedate you." The doctor explained, "The frequent panic attacks you have been experiencing are putting a strain on your lungs and that way you would be less aware of the pain. We can also use machinery to aid you…if necessary."

"Can't you just give her more pain killers?" Spencer suggested.

"No, Carly has already exceeded the recommended dose and it is doing little for her. There is also a chance she could become addicted." The doctor paused, "This is our best solution, it's much safer and although it's not permanent, it will buy us time." He returned his attention to Carly, "Have you reconsidered the surgery? Transplants from your father and brother would save your life."

"I have..." Carly confirmed and, for a moment, Gibby thought Carly might actually change her mind, "But I can't let them do it."

"Of course." The doctor replied, "I urge you however to think about this carefully. Waiting on lungs from a cadaver is a risky game, they might never come, but you have a chance right here to save your life."

"I know…but I just can't." Carly admitted. It took all of Gibby's self-control to prevent himself from running out of the room. He tried to fix his gaze on a spot on the opposite wall, but his hands were still stroking Carly's hair and her quivering form demanded his attention. He bit back the tears which threatened to break his cool exterior. He had to remain strong…for Carly.

"Now…we're just going to add the sedative to your supply of pain killer. You'll start to feel tired pretty quickly but it can take up to half an hour to kick in fully, then you'll just nod off. Are you ready?" The doctor asked and Carly nodded to confirm.

"Wait." Carly halted the process just as the doctor was about to administer the sedative, "It's Saturday." She elaborated, "We do iCarly on Saturday."

"Yeah, but Sam…" Spencer began.

"I know." She interrupted, "But Freddie told me that she won't here the results of her trial until this afternoon." Carly paused to take a breath, "So we won't know until then if she gets released. Can't we wait?" She turned to look at the doctor hopefully, her eyes were begging him to yes.

"Well…" Gibby was sure the doctor was about to deny Carly's request, but then something surprising happened. The doctor looked into Carly's deep, brown, puppy dog eyes and said, "What the heck…a few hours can't hurt." Then for good measure he added, "But I want you to do another physio session. We need to get those lungs working a bit harder…And at the slightest sign of trouble we're pulling the plug."

So the hospital staff left Carly's room and before long so did Spencer and Steven which left Gibby and Carly all alone. Gibby had somehow ended up on one of the chairs next to the bed, but he couldn't remember sitting down. He grinned across at the girl on the bed beside him, their eyes met directly and a small smile appeared on her lips. They sat like that for a while, not saying anything, their fingers intertwined. And Gibby couldn't have been happier because the most beautiful girl in the world wanted him. Carly may have lost the redness in her cheeks and the curves which had once shaped her body may have faded into bones, but Carly was still stunning. It was her eyes, which showed wisdom beyond her years, her hair, which looked good even when she didn't brush it, and her lips, which he longed to kiss right now more than anything. Before long that's exactly what he found himself doing. This time, it was a desperate, needy kiss. They were clumsy and Carly had to keep pulling away to suck air in to her lungs. Nonetheless Gibby wouldn't change that moment for an instant because it was real and honest and true. It felt good and he wished once more that the world would stop and he and Carly could spend an eternity here in this room. But the world was cruel and unfair and unforgiving and so instead Gibby enjoyed the precious moments he spent with Carly like this.

Eventually their lips truly parted and all Gibby could do was stare into Carly's deep brown eyes. How he could lose himself in those eyes.

"I love you." He confessed without thinking. He froze then because it wasn't like the confession last night, there was deep emotion implanted in it this time. Carly opened her mouth to respond, but Gibby covered it with his hand. "When you say it again I want you to be sure." He explained.

Carly pried his hand from her mouth and she pressed her forehead against his. "I love you too." She told him.

There was no doubt in Gibby's mind that she meant it because there were tears glistening in her eyes and the machine monitoring her heart rate spiked when she said it. Then, Gibby was talking about everything and nothing at the same time. Gibby explained how he had discovered there were in fact flowers with red petals and Carly even added a few to his list. He told her about his life, about his childhood, about Guppy, about his parent's divorce and about his pets. And Carly was listening intently and nodding and smiling and laughing. Then, Carly was telling him about herself, about her dad, Spencer (who Carly informed him was her brother) and her crazy Grandfather who lived in Yakima. She told him about how she met Sam when they were kids and how she even though they didn't share blood she thought of her as a sister. Somehow, from there, they started talking about school and Gibby told her the rumours about what Rebecca Berkowitz and Jake Crandell had done underneath the bleachers before the big game because Jake had promised to sing at her birthday party. Carly had laughed at that and he thought it was because she hated Rebecca Berkowitz and it was, but she also explained what a fraud Jake Crandell was and then Gibby had laughed too. At some point the giggles stopped and they began mocking their least favourite teachers, Mr Howard and Miss Briggs, and Carly told him about the time she and Freddie broke into her house and discovered her tribute room to Randy Jackson. Gibby had joked along awkwardly at that because he couldn't help but think of the shrine he'd once had in his room which he had dedicated to Justin Bieber. When Carly had asked him why he was acting strangely he told her the truth and Carly had shrugged it off, then giggled and teased him playfully. Then, they were kissing again and Gibby had gone somewhere far beyond cloud nine. He'd never been able to talk to Carly like this before. Maybe, it was because she used to make him all sweaty and nervous and he wanted to impress her and be cool and interesting, but right now he didn't feel that pressure. So, he could be himself without worrying what she might think.

Their conversation then took another turn. Carly was laughing about Griffin's collection of PeeWee babies and before he knew it Gibby was making fun of Tasha's dancing ability. They were removing all of the awkwardness from this conversation by laughing and joking. Eventually, they were talking about their worst dates. Carly confessed about how she had pretended to be smart to impress a guy named Kyle and she swore it was the last time she would take dating advice from Sam. Gibby informed Carly she didn't have to pretend anything in front of him and Carly gave him this goofy look and brushed her lips against his in a haste kiss. Gibby's heart skipped a beat then, because every kiss he shared with Carly was the best moment of his life. So, Gibby told her about his date with a girl named Bethany and how he had ordered garlic bread and when they kissed it was all she could taste. Carly said his mouth could taste like Oystamato and she would still kiss him and, as if to back up her point, she kissed him again. It was a longer, lingering kiss. The pair then divulged to each other their best and worst kisses, which was both awkward and relieving for Gibby at the same time. The conversation made another leap. This time, Carly admitted that she wasn't a virgin, but Gibby already knew that because he had overheard a conversation between Carly and Sam about Lance and so he confessed as much to Carly. Carly had given him a worried look, so he gave her hand a reassuring squeeze and told her that he wasn't a virgin either. They both laughed off the awkwardness of the conversation by laughing at the awkwardness of their first times. Carly's was with the cheating, dirt bag, nub Who-shall-not-be-named (Steven) and his was with Tasha. They kissed again because they both needed reassurance that the other wasn't mad, but Gibby knew in that moment he couldn't ever be angry with Carly.

When they parted lips it was only because Carly's dad and brother might be back any minute and Gibby had to go to therapy and Carly didn't want to admit it, but she was left tired and breathless by their kisses, both in a good way and in a my-lungs-are-dying kind of way. So, they said their goodbyes and Gibby left the hospital with a renewed sense of vigour. He was shaking when he stepped into the elevator from a mixture of excitement, shock and relief. Carly was his. Carly loved him. Gibby was so ecstatic on his journey that it was the first thing he told his therapist when he sat down on the brown leather couch in her office. Gibby found himself telling her about most of what happened with Carly and his therapist gave him this look again. A look, which she had given him a lot lately and Gibby didn't know what to make of it. So, instead, he kept talking about Carly and her smile and her eyes and her hair.

"She's perfect, doc." He told her, "I just wish…"

"Wish what?" she asked when he trailed off.

That we had more time, that she didn't have cancer, that the world wasn't so unfair? Gibby didn't know, which option to pick so, instead, he simply shrugged. And somewhere in between him fiddling with the items on the coffee table and him retying his shoelace, his therapist asked him about Carly's illness and Gibby choked on the air from his lungs. At first, he wanted to be strong, but then he remembered where he was and knew he didn't have to pretend here. Carly wasn't here to see him worry for her, his parents were doing whatever in their separate homes and Guppy was probably down the hall at his own appointment. So Gibby let the tears fall as he spoke about all the things Carly's illness made him feel. There was a deep-seated rage; aimed at everyone and no one, a constant worry; for Carly's life, a regret; that he hadn't told her how he felt sooner, and a lingering pain; at the thought he might lose her. Then, there was the one which overwhelmed him; love, for everyone he cared about, but most especially for Carly.

Afterwards, when his eyes were red, swollen and puffy and Gibby was sure his tear ducts were empty, his therapist handed him a tissue. It was one of those super soft ones like Freddie had given him and he smiled at the promise he had made to himself after receiving it.

"I love, love, love that Aloe Vera." Gibby informed her and his therapist smiled because he was being his usual Gibbyish self instead of the mature front that seemed to take over whenever he was around Carly. He told his therapist he had been learning all about this science stuff ever since he had discovered Liquid Soap and Aloe Vera tissues and he educated her on the processes used to create said soap. Then, all of a sudden, he was talking about the Prom Queen of England because really the creation of soap wasn't all that interesting, but the oldest Prom Queen in the world was. His therapist was nodding along now, making notes on her pad of paper and, best of all, that look she kept giving him was gone from her face.

At three o'clock, his hour long session was over and Gibby returned to the hospital. He didn't know what he expected to find when he got there. He was aware that by the time he arrived they would have the results of Sam's hearing and know whether or not she had been realised. For the sake of Carly, Gibby hoped that was the case. Frankly, he hoped it for himself because between all the bullying Sam did care about him and they were friends. So, when he stepped into Carly's room and saw the blonde girl curled up on Carly's bed beside her, he let out an excited squeal and Carly looked up and giggled.

"You're really dating that dweeb?" Sam asked and Gibby smiled because Carly wanted him to be her boyfriend just as much as he wanted her to be his girlfriend.

"Sam!" Carly exclaimed, hitting Sam playfully on the arm for her comment, "Be nice to Gibby, he's adorkable."

"Ugh, you make me sick." Sam mimed vomiting and got up from the bed to avoid Carly's swing.

Gibby took the opportunity to hug Sam tightly and when they pulled apart he expressed their mutual feelings.

"I missed you to Sam." He informed her, before he stole her spot beside Carly on the bed.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever." Sam said, refusing to break her tough exterior, but Gibby was certain he could make out the faint glistening of tears in her eyes.

The trio soon fell into their normal rhythm with Sam teasing Gibby and Carly defending him and Gibby making comments about stuff that would have been wrong if they came out of anyone else's mouth. Things were great until they weren't. They really turned sour when Freddie arrived. Sam had started acting all weird and then she had left without explanation. Gibby and Carly looked to Freddie for that.

"Carly, can we talk?" Freddie asked. "Alone?" he added, gesturing to Gibby.

"Whatever you have to say, you can say in front of Gibby." Carly told Freddie and she took hold of Gibby's hand.

"Are you sure?" Freddie repeated, "This might be a little awkward."

"Trust me Freddie," Carly said, as she gave Gibby a loving look and kissed his cheek gently, "I can handle awkward."

"You remember the other day? When you were all looped up on whatever medication they were giving you?" He began.

"Erm…kind of…not really…no." Carly admitted and Gibby smiled because Carly had said and done all sorts of loopy things that day.

"Well, when you were all looped up on the medication…" Freddie said, placing emphasis on the looped up before he stopped talking.

"Yeah…?" Gibby and Carly said simultaneously.

"We…kind of…sort of…maybe…kissed." Freddie murmured.

"What?!" Someone said in a mixture of outrage, shock and disgust and surprisingly, it wasn't Gibby, it was Carly.

"Like Carly would ever kiss you again Freddie." Gibby commented and Carly squeezed his fingers super hard for that because he'd almost revealed too much about who Carly had said was her worst kiss.

"As hard as it is to believe, it happened." Freddie informed them, "But that's not the worst part, after the last iCarly…I…I…" The last part of Freddie's explanation was so quiet that neither Gibby or Carly heard and so they both had to ask him what he said.

"I kissed Sam." Freddie repeated.

"You kissed Sam, and then you kissed me?" Carly said, shaking her head.

"Well, she kissed me and then I kissed her." Freddie elaborated, "And I didn't kiss you, you kissed me…twice."

"And I take it you told Sam about this?" Carly clarified.

"Yeah…yeah I did." Freddie confirmed.

"You did the right thing." Carly said.

"Why does everyone keep saying that?" Freddie asked, "Sam can't even be in the same room as me."

"Sam will come around," Carly told him, "She's just Sam and she hates to admit it, but she has feelings and a soul just like everybody else and she's hurting right now and she needs space."

"And you're not mad?" Freddie asked, looking to both Carly and Gibby.

"No." Carly confirmed.

"How could we be?" Gibby explained, "Carly was practically throwing herself at everyone that day. She even tried it on with one of the female nurses."

"I did?" Carly said, her cheeks turning red.

"She did have a moustache." Gibby said through his laughter.

From that moment on, they all had beaming smiles plastered on their faces, well maybe not Carly whose cheeks were turning redder as Gibby shared more and more stories of Carly's shenanigans while she was on the loopy medication. It was while Gibby was giving details on Carly thinking his bald head was a giant egg that Spencer entered the room. He had brought with him, several bags filled with Freddie's tech stuff.

"I guess we had better get setting up for the show." Freddie said, "Gibby, come give me a hand while Spencer and Carly catch up."

"Sure." Gibby offered, kissing Carly's hand before heading across the room to take the bags off of Spencer.

While Spencer and Carly chatted, Gibby set about doing whatever Freddie told him. Most of what Freddie asked of him was manual work, but Freddie did trust him to set up a few of the lights by himself. After they were done, they set about rehearsing.

"The show starts in less than five minutes and Sam still isn't here yet." Freddie said, sounding more than a little worried.

"Relax." Carly breathed, "Most of the time Sam doesn't turn up until you're about to count down."

"Hey, if she's not here on time I can host the show with you." Gibby offered.

"No…that's alright. Spencer will do it, won't you?" Carly pleaded with her older brother.

"Fine." He caved, "But, only if Sam doesn't show up."

"In 5…4…3…2…" Freddie counted.

"I'm Carly!" his new girlfriend exclaimed.

"I'm Spencer…" the older Shay said after Carly prompted him with a nudge in the ribs.

"I'm late." A voice called from behind him and Freddie. They both turned simultaneously, Freddie focussing the camera on Sam.

"And this is iCarly!" Carly and Sam yelled in sync.

"And this concludes tonight's segment on bedpan or scalpel." Sam said into the camera as the show came to an end.

"So, remember kids…" Carly began.

"Don't drink from the toilet." Sam continued.

"Or eat pancakes in the bath." Carly added.

"This was iCarly." The girls said in unison as they waved into the camera, "Goodnight!"

"And we are…clear." Freddie informed them, "Awesome show tonight." he said giving them both high fives. Surprisingly Sam didn't use the opportunity to hurt him, which Gibby knew could only mean she had forgiven Freddie.

The all hung out for a while, but then Steven showed up and he was going to spend the night at the hospital with his daughter, but he'd brought Mrs Benson's car so Spencer could take Freddie home.

"Can I get a ride with ya?" Sam asked Spencer, hopefully.

"Sure thing, kiddo." He confirmed, "See you Carly, Dad…Gibby."

"Bye." Gibby responded.

"Shouldn't you be getting home Gibby?" Steven suggested.

"Nah, Guppy was at the therapists this afternoon and my mom usually takes him out to dinner afterwards, so she won't be home for a while." Gibby explained.

Gibby's mom arrived an hour later to pick him up. She called him from the car park. Gibby spent that time talking with Carly and her father. Steven Shay had kept glancing anxiously at his daughter's hand in Gibby and eventually Carly had got so tired of it she had snatched her hand away. The doctor had come into the room, not long after that, to administer the sedative. He never got to.

"I want to go home." Carly said.

"Pardon?" the doctor asked.

"I want to go home." Carly repeated, "I looked it up online, there is no reason I need to stay here while I wait for the transplant. I don't want to be sedated."

"I'm sorry Carly, but you're under 18 and that decision is your father's." The doctor informed her.

Carly's eyes find Steven's and then she was begging and pleading with him, "Please, dad. I can't take it here. I'm going crazy."

"Carly…I…" Steven trailed off.

"The pain isn't that bad right now, it's barely a 7." Carly continued, "And my breathing has improved. Come on…dad…please."

"She's right, there really if she feels she can cope with the pain then there is no reason she can't be at home." The doctor offered. Gibby felt grateful towards him because he could see it in Carly's eyes how much she wanted this.

"Ok…if that's what you want." Steven conceded, "Tell me what I need to do."

Gibby was lying in his bed. When he'd left the hospital Steven had been signing Carly's discharge forms and Carly was grinning cheerfully. He wondered if they were at home now, if Carly was lying in her own bed thinking of him, just as he was thinking of her. No sooner than he had thought that than his phone emitted a beeping noise meaning he'd received a message. He grabbed the phone from the table by his bed and read the text. It was from Carly and it said "Goodnight xx" and so Gibby replied with "Sweet dreams xx" before he fell into a deep slumber himself.

* * *

Thanks for reading!


	4. Carly

The last chapter, enjoy!

* * *

**Part 4: CARLY**

On Sunday, Carly woke to a text saying "Good Morning J" from Gibby. The clock on her phone informed her it was 10am and a familiar, soft snore alerted her to the presence of someone else in her room. Carly sat up on her bed and searched for its origin; it was coming from a blonde girl who was currently curled up on her window seat. Carly pulled out a pillow from underneath her and tossed it at Sam, hitting her right in the stomach.

"What?!" Sam yelled, her eyes trailing to the pillow that was now lying at her feet then back to Carly who was sitting on her bed.

"Good morning to you too, Sam." Carly smiled.

"Sorry, I was just having a really good dream." Sam explained.

"Bolivian bacon?" Carly asked.

"Yeah…you know how it is." Sam confirmed.

"It changes you." Carly agreed.

"Speaking of bacon, I think I smell breakfast." Sam said, sniffing the air curiously. Carly didn't have such an acute sense of smell when it came to food so she didn't even bother trying. Sam stood up and stretched before heading out the open door to Carly's room.

"Bring me up a little something?" Carly called after her.

"Can't promise you anything!" Sam responded, before Carly heard her footsteps fade to nothing.

When she was alone, Carly was more aware of her present condition. Every breath seemed to take all her concentration and with each one, she felt the scar on her chest threaten to tear open and her lungs collapse. She felt completely exhausted, both emotionally and physically. There were times when she went to sleep and the pain was overwhelming her and all she wanted was to fall asleep and never wake up, but then there were these other times when she was with her dad, Gibby, Sam, Spencer or Freddie and she couldn't imagine being anywhere else. Honestly, she didn't think that anyone would understand how she could feel that way, because it didn't make sense to her. She couldn't understand how she could love her life and yet welcome death. She thought maybe it was the pain, maybe if that was gone then everything would be fine. Deep down, she knew that wouldn't solve anything; what she needed to be gone was her failing lungs. She wished more than anything that she'd never got sick. She couldn't understand it? How was it fair? She was kind and polite and helpful and an honour student and she had perfect attendance. She was a good person and she didn't deserve her life to be torn apart like this. If anyone deserved something like this to happen to them it was Sam, who was lazy and rude and had something against any figure of authority. Carly wasn't saying she wanted Sam to have had cancer; she wouldn't wish that on anyone, especially not Sam. She was saying that she couldn't understand why the disease had chosen her because she was a good person and had never wished any harm upon the universe.

Carly curls her fists in frustration. She'd never really had violent tendencies but right now she was feeling the urge to hit something. She took a deep breath, a sharp pain spreading across her chest. It was only a 6, so she could handle it. She massaged her chest gently with her palms, recalling the information her physio doctor had told her about strengthening her lungs after surgery. It was while she was doing that she heard a pair of footsteps approaching. She sat up properly, back resting on her headrest and adjusted the oxygen supply to her nose. Carly's grin was so huge it almost hurt when she saw who was coming through the doorway.

"Gibbehhh" He announced as he came to sat beside her on the bed.

"Hey, you." She greeted, planting a kiss on his soft lips.

"Does Spencer know you're up here? Normally he has a rule about me having boys in my room." Carly asked.

"He's never bothered about me being in here before." Gibby observed.

"Yeah, but that was before…" Carly trailed off, because she wanted to say they were dating, but all they had done was kiss and they had never said they were boyfriend and girlfriend. Sure, Sam had teased them about it, but they hadn't said it out loud and Carly was afraid if she did Gibby might reject her. She knew that his relationship with Tasha hadn't been exclusive and Carly didn't want to assume anything.

"Before what?" Gibby smirked.

"Before we…" She tried to say it, she did, but she couldn't. She was too scared. Imagine that, Carly Shay who is normally confident when it comes to guys is nervous to be in the same room as Gibby.

"Before we started dating?" Gibby offered.

"Yeah," she said quickly. Then as an afterthought she added, "You mean that? Just each other? No one else?"

"No one else." Gibby vowed, sealing his promise with a kiss.

"So, how did you get up here?" Carly asked.

"Spencer made me promise I'd leave the door open." He explained.

"Well," Carly said lowering her voice until it was barely a whisper, "Even if it is open he can't hear us do this…" she wrapped her arms around his neck, "or this…" She placed a haste kiss on his lips, "Or this." This time, when she kissed him, it was a long lingering kiss which made butterflies dance in her stomach. Then, her tongue was wrapped in an intricate dance with his and his hands were wrapped around her waist, in her hair, pressed against her back and resting on her thigh all at once. She found her hands exploring too. Every part of Gibby was big, muscular and strong. She wondered what had happened to his puppy fat.

"I hear kissing!" Spencer's yell caused the couple to bump heads in shock as they broke apart in astonishment. Then, Carly started to laugh, because she knew her brother was probably standing in the room below them listening for any sounds, and Gibby's cheeks were reddening. Sam appeared in the doorway then, no doubt because Spencer was anxious about her and Gibby being alone in her room.

"Is it safe?" Sam asked, peering through her hands.

"We're not making out, if that's what you mean." Carly told her best friend.

"I told Spencer nothing was going on up here. I don't know why he's so worried. I mean he's a Gibby." Sam teased, before she returned to her spot on the window seat.

"Sam…" Carly began.

"I know, I know. I'm sorry Gibby." Her friend apologised before Carly could chastise her.

"S'okay Sam." Gibby replied.

"Hey, Gibb?" Carly said sweetly.

"Yeah?" he responded.

"Maybe you could go fix me up something to eat since somebody," she turned to glare at Sam, "Forgot to bring me anything."

"Sure." He said before he left the room.

"So…" Sam began.

"So…" Carly agreed.

"You and Gibby? Huh?" Sam observed.

"Yeah." Carly confirmed, "But I'm more interested in you and Freddie."

"What have you got to bring up that nub for?" Sam asked, adding a groan for good measure.

"Because you kissed." Carly explained, "Twice, if I'm not mistaken."

Sam let out another groan before she admitted, "Yeah, and?"

"And are you to like dating again now, or what?" Carly asked.

"No."

"Why not?" Carly asked.

"Because he kissed you." Sam elaborated.

"Yeah, but I was all loopy because of that medication." Carly pointed out.

"YOU were," Sam clarified, "But he wasn't."

"Oh." Carly couldn't find any words of comfort for her friend.

"Yeah."

"But he told you." Carly realised.

"So?"

"So…I couldn't remember." Carly informed her friend, "He didn't have to tell you, but he did. Which means he felt guilty about it."

"And?" Sam asked, "He should feel guilty about it."

"He told you because he still loves you." Carly continued, "Why else would he feel bad about it?"

"What makes you so sure he loves me and not you?" Sam looked at her expectantly and so Carly told her the truth about Freddie which she had realised after he saved her life.

"Freddie never loved me Sam. As a friend, sure, but not like that." Carly explained, "What Freddie loved was the idea of me. But Freddie does love you and I don't think he can help it. You snuck up on him Sam and stole his heart. "

They remained silent for a while because Sam needed to think and Carly wanted to give her space to do so.

"Hey, Carls?" Sam started.

"Uh huh?" she responded as she absentmindedly played with her phone.

"When did you get to be so wise?" Sam asked. Carly looked up at her friend and saw the seriousness in Sam's eyes, but she didn't know how to answer. Maybe it was because she'd practically raised herself, maybe it was because she was so close to dying or maybe Sam wasn't seeing what was obvious to everyone else.

"Oh. I don't know." She joked, "Somewhere in between my boobs coming in and your Aunt Tanya getting sent to prison for assault."

"Which assault?" Sam asked and Carly laughed, because only a Puckett would need to have that question asked about them.

"When that tattoo guy misspelt her name." Carly clarified.

"Do you know I heard he finally got a glass eye?" Sam informed her.

"No." And because Carly was feeling increasingly uncomfortable she asked Sam, "Want to watch Girly Cow? I stole Spencer's season four box set a few months ago. It's uncensored…"

"My, my Carly Shay! A thief, who would have thought!" Sam teased.

"I learned from the best." Carly admitted.

They were on the fourth episode of Girly Cow when Gibby finally returned with a sandwich.

"What took you so long?" Carly asked through a mouthful of PB&J.

"Spencer used all the bread for a sculpture he was making, so I had to walk nine blocks to get to the store." Gibby explained.

"You do realise there is a store across the street right?" Sam observed.

"I got banned from there." Gibby told her.

Sam shrugged and Carly didn't ask him for the reason either because she really didn't want to know, especially if it was a repeat of that Build-A-Bra fiasco. Gibby sat down beside her on the bed and he put his arm around her. Carly leaned against him and savoured the refreshing scent of ocean breeze and general Gibbyness. Spencer came up at half past three and Carly had to hastily pause the DVD because he didn't know she had taken it and he certainly wouldn't want her watching uncensored Girly Cow.

"Hey, I'm going down to the junkyard with Socko." Spencer said from his position in the doorway, "Dad will be back in an hour, so can I trust you two to look after Carly while I'm gone?"

"Yeah." Gibby and Sam agreed.

The front door had just closed behind Spencer when Sam was standing up and announcing her departure.

"I need to go…meet my…mom." Carly could tell Sam was improvising, what she didn't understand was why.

"Oh..kay." Carly said, giving her friend a quizzical look. In response Sam had gestured to Gibby and winked. Then, Carly was blushing because her friend was hooking her up and Gibby was smiling at her knowingly.

"Well…have fun you two." Sam called out as she walked away.

Carly wished she could say they waited a reasonable amount of time after Sam left before they pounced on each other, but the truth was the door had barely closed behind her before their lips were locked and their tongues were moving in a steady rhythm. She chose to ignore the pain that was building up in her lungs and across her chest. Carly had done this before, lots of times, but it suddenly felt new, because she loved Gibby and she'd never loved anyone like this before. She felt nervous and shy, but comfortable and safe at the same time. Gibby's hands skilfully removed his shirt, then hers. He fumbled at her bra strap as Carly's lips left a trail of kisses down his neck. She shifted so he could remove her bra and then his hands cupped her breasts. Their lips met once more, before Gibby left his own trail of kisses down her neck to her chest. Carly allowed a moan to escape her lips as Gibby's kisses trailed lower. He peeled off her pyjama shorts and underwear in one swift movement and then his tongue was buried in her folds. Her back arched and pain erupted across her chest. She gasped as the air in her lungs seems to disappear. Carly tried to inhale, but her lungs seemed to have stopped functioning, she was completely unaware that Gibby had moved until he was pressing an oxygen mask to her face and he was moving her into the recovery position. But the air still refused to make its way into her lungs and Carly was feeling dizzy and lightheaded now. She could hear Gibby talking clearly, but all the meaning in his words was lost in translation.

Finally, breath came, one, two and the next one and another. Her lungs were working again, but it took all her focus to keep them working. Gibby was putting on his shirt again and then he was helping her back into her clothes. He made her stay lying on her side and he pulled the oxygen mask strap around her head so she was forced to wear it. Gibby lay down on the bed behind her, spooning her gently and all Carly was aware of from that moment on was his breath on the back of her neck and his hand which was wrapped around her waist. They didn't say anything to each other then, they didn't need to. The couple just lay there and at some point Carly drifted off to sleep.

She was awakened by the sound of tapping on her bedroom door. Gibby's head was up, looking at the source of the noise.

"Hey!" Sam's voice said, "Is it safe?"

"Yeah, come in." Gibby replied for her. He kissed her cheek, before he rolled away from her as the door swung open. Then, Gibby was leaving the room, because he no doubt understood that Carly would want to talk to Sam about what had just transpired. Carly wondered the same thing about Gibby that Sam had wondered about her; when did Gibby get to be so wise?

"So…" Sam said as she came to sit cross-legged on the end of Carly's bed.

"So…" Carly repeated as she removed the oxygen mask from her face and sat up to face her best friend.

"I talked to Freddie." Sam admitted and Carly had to prevent her mouth from falling open because she totally didn't expect her friend to say that. Carly figured Sam would want to know what went down with Gibby, because normally when Carly was left alone with a boy for any amount of time Sam wanted to know all the details. Instead of pointing this out, however Carly chose to ignore it, because Sam had talked to Freddie and she'd much rather think about that than what had happened in her room around forty minutes ago.

"You did?" Carly processed aloud.

"Yeah." Sam confirmed.

"What did he say?" She asked.

"Well, we didn't so much as talk as…" Sam trailed off and Carly got what she was hinting at because Sam had done with Freddie what she had been trying to do with Gibby. She managed to stop herself blurting out "Oh my god!" just in time.

"So are you guys like a couple now or….?" Carly enquired for the second time that day.

"I don't know." Sam admitted.

"What do you mean you don't know?" Carly said in disbelief, "You guys just had sex!"

"I know!" Sam exclaimed, "I was there, remember?"

"Was it good?" Carly asked and Sam made a non-committal grunt, which Carly knew meant it was.

Sam swallowed, "I left right after."

"Aww, Sam. Why would you do that?" Carly sighed.

"Because…I did, ok?" And Carly knew why, it was because Sam couldn't deal with stuff like that. She wasn't all that great at talking about her feelings and no wonder, because Sam spent half her life pretending she didn't have any. "…and besides I had to get back here before your dad got home and found you and Gibby all naked under the blankets."

"Well, my dad would have been grossly disappointed if he had come home because he wouldn't get to throw Gibby out for being all naked under the covers with his daughter." Carly confessed.

"You guys didn't…?" Sam realised.

"No." Carly admitted, "We tried, but then my stupid lungs decided to stop working."

"I've never heard that one before. Usually it's the guy who has technical difficulties." Sam laughed.

"Yeah? Well, trust me, Gibby had no technical difficulties whatsoever." Carly recalled. She laughed as Sam shivered at her comment.

"I did not need to know that." Sam informed her.

"You really think I wanted to know about you and Freddie hooking up?" Carly pointed out.

"You're the one who asked me if it was good!" Sam argued.

"Yeah, but I meant -"

"I know what you meant." Sam interrupted.

"Hey…" A voice said from the doorway, it was Gibby.

"What's up, Gibb?" Carly asked.

"My dad's here." Gibby paused, "So…I better go…but we should talk."

"Yeah…ok." Carly agreed.

"I'll call you." Gibby said as he turned to leave.

"That was…" Sam began, once she was sure Gibby was out of ear shot.

"Awkward? Horrible? Embarrasing?" Carly suggested.

"I was going to for hilarious." Sam laughed.

Carly tossed another pillow at her; soon there wouldn't be any left on her bed. The two girls hung out until Carly's dad returned, at which point Sam had to leave because she really did have to meet her mom. Her dad had bought her fresh soup from the café down the street and he rented a bunch of movies from the store. They sat on Carly's bed together and watched them for the rest of the day. It was fun, for Carly, just being there with her dad. It was the only thing that her illness made her thankful for, because she couldn't remember the last time she had done anything like this with him. She also couldn't think of a time when her dad would willingly watch movies like "It's a guy, gal thing". It was fun because they spent most of the time mocking whatever terrible teen drama the guy at the store had recommended. Her dad's criticism made her laugh until her stomach hurt and it gave her an idea for a new iCarly segment because she knew the fans would find his opinions hilarious too. Spencer got home when they had just finished watching the sequel to "the First Kiss", which was appropriately named "the First Time". Carly remembered wanting to go see it in the cinema with Sam, but Spencer wouldn't let her, so Sam had got a copy of the film from her cousin James and they'd watched it anyway. She was a little surprised that her dad had sat and watched it with her, but his reasoning became clear when he'd had "The Talk" with her right after. It was awkward and weird and she was so grateful for Spencer's arrival because he had brought "Monster Ninja Trucks 3" and Carly really just wanted to forget about what had just happened.

The next day, Freddie stopped by before school. They talked for a while about pointless things before Carly finally brought up the subject of Sam. Freddie had tried to leave, but Carly had told him it was unfair since she couldn't chase after him, so Freddie had reluctantly agreed to stay. She managed to convince Freddie to talk to Sam instead of getting distracted by kisses or sex. His eyes had almost popped out of his skull when she'd said that and his cheeks turned a lovely tomato red. After he'd left Carly had sent him a few encouraging texts before she started on the piling up homework assignments. It was a quiet day, most of which Carly spent catching up on school work. Spencer and her dad had an argument when Spencer managed to set the tv on fire and afterwards Spencer had come into her room to watch Celebrities Underwater because apparently whatever damaged he'd caused was irreparable.

Sam and Freddie came over after school. It was just like old times aside from the fact that Carly was sick. They spent the evening telling her about all the things she's missed at school and Carly swore afterwards that she laughed for ten minutes straight when they told her the story about a prank Carter Ford played on Mr Stern. Once she was caught up on the shenanigans the trio began brainstorming ideas for the next iCarly and Carly told them about her idea of using her dad to do movie reviews. Sam and Freddie agreed when she quoted some of the things he said and Freddie added it to the schedule.

"Ok, so far we have the Introduction, followed by another instalment of "Messin' With Lewbert". At which point we go into random dancing and then your dad's bit." Freddie informed them, "We've still got another thirty minutes to fill."

"Didn't Gibby tell you today that he would do that "Hey, what am I standing on?" bit?" Sam reminded Freddie.

"Oh yeah, we'll need to get mushed peas for that." Freddie confirmed jotting it down on his notepad.

"Where is Gibby anyway?" Carly asked, trying her best to be nonchalant.

"Why?" Sam asked, "Didn't he call you?"

"No…" Carly sighed.

"Aww, I'm sorry Carls. Do you want me to pound him with my butter sock?" Sam offered.

"No…" Carly said, "I'm sure he'll call."

"Well, if you change your mind I'll be at the fridge." Sam said as she left for the kitchen.

"Where were we?" she asked Freddie.

"Erm, what to put after," Freddie coughed awkwardly, "Gibby's bit."

"We could..." Carly tried to think of something else to add to the show.

"There's always Tech Time with Freddie." He volunteered.

"No, Freddie that's not necessary…Sam and I can…do a random debate." Carly suggested.

"Fine." Freddie agreed reluctantly.

Sam arrived back just as Carly and Freddie had finished planning the show. She didn't stay long because she got a phone call to inform her that her mom had passed out in a bar and she needed to go pick her up. Freddie offered to go with her and this was no doubt because he still hadn't talked to Sam and he figured this was the best way to get her alone or as close to it as her could get her. And as Carly was left alone in her room she began to think about her own relationship issues and made the decision to call Gibby. The phone rang eight times before he finally answered at which point Carly was sure he wasn't going to.

"Hey." A deep voice answered.

"Gibby…" she breathed.

"What's up?" he asked casually.

"You said you would call." Carly explained and she hated herself for saying it because she didn't want to be one of those needy and desperate girls.

"Yeah." He admitted, "I'm sorry, I was busy."

"Busy…" she repeated, "Right, yeah. I shouldn't have called…I'm going to hang up."

"No!" Gibby halted her as she was about to hang up, "Wait! Please!"

"What is it?" she asked hopefully.

"Nothing, I…" Gibby paused, "I was going to say something, but..."

"Well, maybe you could come over? Say, whatever you want to say in person?" Carly suggested.

"It's getting late." Gibby observed.

"Yeah." Carly agreed in a high pitched voice which she was sure would betray her feelings. Carly had been shot down before, but never by someone she loved as much as she loved Gibby.

"Well, I'll see you later." Gibby said.

"Yeah, bye." Carly said as she hung up.

Carly didn't hear from Gibby until the following Saturday and that was only because they had iCarly to do. Spencer and her dad had got her into a wheelchair and they'd taken her upstairs so they could do the show in the studio. The whole time everyone was tiptoeing around her like she might break if they even dared to breath too hard and Carly wondered what the point in even taking her upstairs was if they didn't trust her to not die or whatever they thought might happen. The worst of them was Gibby who refused to come within five feet of Carly. Normally, he was the only one who wouldn't try and wrap her in bubble wrap, right then however, he was the one insisting on an extra layer. The show went well, really well and afterwards she, Sam, Freddie and Gibby went back to her room to read the message boards.

The four of them sat on Carly's bed, crowded around her laptop. The comments were really positive, with people responding particularly well to her dad's appearance. The group were even more surprised when they saw fans comment that iCarly was trending worldwide on twitter again. Carly couldn't help, but glance over at Gibby to see his reactions to people's comments and every time she did so Gibby would be turning his head to look away. Carly had butterflies in her stomach at the thought that Gibby was watching her and she wished more than anything that it was only the two of them in her room. Eventually, Gibby gave up pretending he wasn't looking at her and the pair ended up staring longingly into each other's eyes from opposite ends of the bed. That was when Carly realised that she and Gibby weren't the only ones noticing the looks they had been giving each other for the past hour.

"God, can you to quit having eye sex for five seconds?" Sam begged and Carly felt her cheeks reddening.

"Sam." Freddie chastised.

"Well, it's not my fault those two are looking at each other like that." Sam argued, "Geez. Get a room."

"We have a room." Carly blurted out without thinking.

"Ok, ok, I get the hint." Sam said as she manoeuvred herself past Carly and off the bed, "Come on Freddork, I've got a date with some ribs and if you're good you can watch me eat them."

"What did I do?" Carly asked as soon as the door had closed behind her and Freddie.

"What do you mean?" Gibby asked, he was standing now, rather than sitting on the bed beside her. The confusing thing was he was still giver her that look. The one that said he wanted her.

"Orenthal Cornelius Gibson." Carly demanded, "I know you're not as stupid as you pretend to be. So tell me; why have you been avoiding me?"

"Because…" Gibby paused, searching for the right words, "Because I love you…because I don't want to hurt you-"

"And you didn't think ignoring me for almost a week would hurt me?" Carly interrupted.

"I thought it would hurt less." Gibby explained.

"Less than what?" Carly swallowed, she was yelling now and tears were streaming down her face, "Because my heart is breaking into pieces right now and I can't imagine anything that could hurt more than this."

"Less than dying." Gibby finished, "And if it's a choice between being with you and your life, I'll pick you being alive every time."

"I'm not going to die." Carly argued and for the first time she had said it, she meant it.

"Will you stop saying that?!" Gibby choked out through sobs, "I know what's going on! I'm not stupid! I know what you refusing the lungs from Steven and Spencer means…You've got a rare blood type Carly; the chances of you getting organs from some unlucky guy who gets in an accident…they're basically zero. And everyone pretending any different is a liar. Why else did you come home? You wanted to die somewhere familiar…and I will not take any of the time you have got left by being selfish."

Carly didn't know what to say. Everything Gibby had said was true. She had come here to die. Carly wished she hadn't made that choice. She wished she could go back to the hospital where Spencer would decorate her room with his artistic creations and Sam would come over in the middle of the night and sneak her out of her room. She wanted to be overhearing an argument her father was having about her care or listen to Freddie enthusiastically babble about his new trillion gigglebite hard drive. She wanted Gibby to laugh and joke with her like he used to. She wanted to not be on her death bed. Carly knew it was months away, but she also knew it was highly unlikely she would get a transplant in time to prevent it. She wanted to live. All these realisations hit Carly in under a second and Carly found herself wanting to say the one thing she had refused to since it was suggested. And she only noticed then that it was the first day they hadn't asked her if she'd thought about it; like they had given up.

"Get Spencer and my dad." Carly ordered, her tone so commanding that Gibby didn't dare refuse.

They appeared in the room, moments later, looking slightly mystified. Then, Carly said the one thing which they had been waiting for, and who knew it would be loving Gibby that caused her to say it.

"I've changed my mind." Carly told them.

* * *

And on that bombshell, it's time to end the story. Thanks for taking the time to read. If you enjoyed it (or you didn't) please review.

I had originally intended this to be a really short thing about Carly and Sam's friendship, but then I wrote the first paragraph and things kind of escalated from there. I'm a huge Cibby shipper, in case you haven't noticed, and so I decided to slip them into the story and Seddie while I was at it, since the two go hand in hand. I apologise for my lack of knowledge about lung cancer, but research was like homework and I hate homework a lot. I'm also sorry about my frequent comma splicing, what can I say? It's a sickness. I think at points I may have said "mum" instead of "mom"; I'm from the UK and it was instinctual and I didn't have a search and replace feature on my word processor, unfortunately. This probably isn't the only time I've used British spellings/words because I refuse to spell colour without a u, but I did painfully use elevator instead of lift. So, yeah, I tried and hopefully I've stuck to US English as much as possible.

A little tidbit for you, in case you didn't spot it, the Grey-Sloan Memorial Hospital is the hospital in which my favourite show, Grey's Anatomy, is set.


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